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Re: The Cycle of Seasons
Knight Dragon, here to review on this glorious Review Day! First off, I'm not sure if this is supposed to be poetic prose or slice of life or what. It ...
Oct 27, 2013 -
Re: I Am the Reader, You Are the Book
Knight Dragon, here to bestow the first review of my second Review Day. Technical: "I feel so connected, through our small friendship." These lines flow really awkwardly. Consider revising. "one ...
Oct 27, 2013 -
Re: Ask Me Why
Knight Dragon, here to review. When I first saw the title of this essay, my mind immediately went to the abortion issue with your addition of the "Pro Choice" portion. ...
Oct 22, 2013 -
Re: Ennui (The Media Center)
Knight Dragon, here to review! First off, let me say that the first thing that caught my eye was the title. I love word-surfing through my dictionaries, and ennui was ...
Oct 21, 2013 -
Re: Paxton Chapter Five
Knight Dragon, here to review! Okay, first off, you need to slow down a little. I understand it's supposed to be intense and fast-paced, but I don't have enough description ...
Oct 17, 2013 -
Re: Strengths of the U.S. Constitution & Government System
My word, poor Knight Teen. Fifteen essays for Government. I wasn't fond of that class, and I had no essays to write. I believe I would have shriveled up and ...
Oct 15, 2013 -
Re: Reaf
Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "I can do anything!" This may just be a preference thing, but I felt this would have read and flowed better with a comma ...
Oct 15, 2013 -
Re: Friend or Foe?
Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "We are everlastingly entwined from birth to death," This should probably end with a period. As should: "You are my sweet Iago," Both of ...
Oct 13, 2013 -
Re: Network of Keys Chapter 4: Cynthia, The Next Morning (being worked on)
Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: ""Speak human," lectures I." My my. "lectures I" needs to be fixed. "I lecture" would be better, but even then, don't substitute too many ...
Oct 13, 2013 -
Re: A Stroll Amidst Seasons
Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "His up-drawn hood muffled the..." You've already started to lose me by "up-drawn". I know this isn't the normal way of saying things, and ...
Oct 11, 2013 -
Re: That one story...that isn't done
Knight Dragon, here to review. Aiyaka! Very, very long! Please repost this in several chapters. I'm doing a lot of scrolling just to get down here to review. Well, let's ...
Oct 11, 2013 -
Re: Start to a story - Nature's Finest
Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "Julian sat admiring his Fathers blade" The "Fathers" should have an apostrophe between the r and the s. Also, I wouldn't advise using a ...
Oct 10, 2013 -
Re: Persephone's Lament
Knight Dragon, here to review. Okay, well, this was interesting, and I felt the tie-back to Percy Jackson, but honestly this wasn't what I was expecting. It seemed like you ...
Oct 10, 2013 -
Re: Empty 5
Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: This felt as drunk as your main character. It's all jumbled together, and the dialogue felt...I don't know, unrealistic. Not like some of the ...
Oct 7, 2013 -
Re: i can't love after you.
Knight Dragon, here to review! Big flashing glaring issue: rating. This would be perfectly fine as is if you didn't have an f-bomb sitting in line 17 (if I've counted ...
Oct 7, 2013