Note: This work has been revised since it was first uploaded.
The Cycle of Seasons
The leaves fall around me. I can hear the sounds of the creek flowing in the distance and the sounds of the occasional car that passes by. I lay on the ground watching the clouds as they roll on and my imagination wonders at what they might resemble. They float through the sky like puffy, mountainous waves in appearance of bunnies and dragons and men, all rolling through a sea of air. The cat purrs beside me and I scratch behind its ear. It is happy. The sun fades beneath the distant hill, tenting the sky with a wonderful red in match with the trees. This is autumn.
The days gradually grow colder and the nights stretch longer. The trees have now shed their outer coat of layers and now lay barren before me, all except the evergreen. From within the comfort of my house I watch the snow that covers the ground.I sip cocoa from a mug and sit beside the fire, gazing into its midst. The cat curls up beside me. This is winter.
The days begin to warm and the snow melts away, and it rains. It rains a lot. The trees and the flowers blossom once more. Nature has awoken before me. The birds chirp once more from atop the trees. Shrieking occasionally as a playful cat pounces for them. The forests are bustling with life. The world before me is beautiful. This is spring.
The days are now warm, hot at times even. The trees are once more filled with leaves; many animals dwell among them. The day is bustling with activity. Everyone and everything seems more active than ever. The sound of traffic rumbles in the distance mingled with the busy, bustling feet of the playing children. The cat comes up from the field to curl beside me. I rub my hand through its fur and take a sip of my lemonade, watching the kids as they play. This is summer.
And so, the cycle continues…
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Hello, I'm going to try not to sound repetitive and say what the other reviewers said below, so sorry if I repeat something you've already heard:
I like this piece it's simple. There are many grammatical errors though. I won't touch on them though, but I will make a suggestion:
This sentence sounds awkward...it sounds backward. I'd switch it around: From within the comfort of my house I watch the snow that covers the ground.
I really do like where you went with this short piece
Looking forward to reading more
Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!
There are some grammar mistakes in here that I'd like to point out.
I'm sure that was just a typo, but I figured I'd point it out anyway.
There shouldn't be a comma in this sentence. The word 'and' connects the two ideas which is why you don't need the comma. Another thing I want to point out about this sentence is that it seems like it should have further explanation, but it doesn't. It's left me wondering what the narrator thinks that the clouds resemble. If there was a few words after that which gives an example of what the clouds may represent would be nice. It could give the story a little something else.
'It's' should be 'its' and there really doesn't have to be a semi-colon. The semi-colon is optional, really because 'it is happy' could be its own sentence.
There shouldn't be an apostrophe in the word trees. You're talking about something plural, which should just have an s. Also, the comma should be a semi-colon because the part after can be a separate sentence.
Now that we're done with the corrections, I guess I'll start in on the content.
I think this is a very interesting story. It's a nice, simple way to describe the changing of the seasons. Usually I'd comment about the fact that we don't know who the main character is, but in this case I don't mind it. I think it's good, actually. Every reader can relate to this and see themselves as the main character. It's an anonymous narrator who could be anyone. I really like that.
There's great imagery in this story. It could be a little more intense imagery, but nothing's perfect right? You've definitely broken the surface with your imagery. See if you can go back in and add a few things in there though. Maybe have a few extra sentences each paragraph describing each of the seasons. I just feel like there could be some more imagery in this.
Overall, this piece is intriguing. I chose to review this off of a first glance and I wasn't disappointed. Good job with this. If you fix the grammar mistakes and add some more imagery, this will be an amazing story.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Thank you for the review Noelle. I'm glad you found it interesting. I know there are definitely some parts that need correcting and improving and I will make sure to consider your comments when I have a chance to make the corrections. I think I'll wait 'till after review day to make the corrections though.
Knight Dragon, here to review on this glorious Review Day!
First off, I'm not sure if this is supposed to be poetic prose or slice of life or what. It feels like poetic prose most of the time, but then again slice of life can be poetic prose.
I diverge.
Technical:
Occasional is misspelled, and you have a wrong word order. It should be "car that passes by."
You could better write the beginning as "The cat purrs beside me", your "it's" should be "its", and you could/should make "it is happy." its own sentence. Also, "This is autumn" should probably start out the paragraph, or be deleted/explained somewhere else. It just felt out of place right there, like "Oh by the way you need to know this."
"barron" should be "barren." Also, you have a misused semi-colon. Please replace that with a comma.
This is grammatically correct, but it's a bit awkward to read. I would consider revising it.
Again, you could make "the cat...me." its own sentence, and could simply change the verb to "curls" instead of "is huddled." And I think that the "This is (specific season)" is done that way intentionally, but it's a little abrupt the first time and derailing in reading flow.
Much to say about this section.
Okay, first off, your verbs need to be strengthened here, as has been the case elsewhere. You could say "and it rains", "the trees and flowers blossom once more", and "Nature has awaken" should be "Nature has awoken." Then "The birds chirp once more..." Do you see how much stronger those verbs are than the ones you have right now?
There shouldn't be an apostrophe on "trees."
I really don't like those passive voice verbs. They don't match the majority of the verbs you have in here. "can be heard" could be changed to "rumble", and you'd have to add a new descriptor for the "busy feet", but it would definitely strengthen your work. And the "I'm asked to..." stuck out a lot. It felt like you were getting ready to do something, and then "Nope, actually something's being done to me." It stuck way out.
Hope this helps!
Thank you for the review, I enjoyed it. No matter how good a story is, there's always room for improvement and I enjoy hearing other peoples comments and opinions. I do, however, hate these darn spelling errors that seem to have escaped my notice. Thank you once again for bringing all these things to my attention, I will consider and apply your comments to correcting and improving this work.
Hello! Dragon here. I really enjoyed this poem and I'd like to give a few comments. Before I do so, I'll do a bit of editing.
of the occassional that car passes by. I think that should be fixed to
of the occasional car that passes by.
watching the clouds as they roll on. I think this should be
watching the clouds as they roll by my wondering eyes, and describe what you think they look like. That cat, to me seems out of place, but it is your story, so no complaints there.
The trees lay barren before me; barron is barren, and maybe go into detail about the tree's.
all in all, you have a great poem that I would enjoy reading in, say a children's poem book. Asides from a few errors and lack of detail in a few area's, this describes the seasons perfectly to me:) Keep up the great poems!!
Thank you for the review! I hate it when my computer misses those spelling errors. That's one of the reasons I write on the computer, to avoid spelling errors. Another reason is for easy editing. I will consider what you have brought to my attention so that my work can be improved on.
Hi, Cheetah here, ready to review your piece on this marvelous review day.
This was very interesting and something I haven't come across before. The repetition is good and you describe things well.
My favorite section:
It creates a real imagery and I like that. I can see the trees, flowers, and birds. Beautiful.
However, there were a few things I would like to point out.
I believe you meant: "the occasional car that passes by." Also it's spelled "occasional" rather than "occassional". This is nothing big, just a small typo.
I noticed that there was a cat in the first two lines that seemed happy and content, but in the last two lines he's nowhere to be found. It seems a bit odd to me that you talked about him at first but then don't mention him later.
Other than that, this is really good. I like the ending, "And so, the cycle continues...". Good job and keep writing!
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it. I was sitting around a few weeks ago wanting to write something but I didn't know what I wanted to write. So I ended up looking outside the window and had some inspiration and this is what it became.
Thanks for pointing out the misspelling, I hadn't noticed. I write on the computer to avoid spelling errors but seems it missed one.
Once again, glad you liked it! I will consider what you have said.