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This was intersting, but even though it's just on Princess we never get much character development from anyone. A bit from the Princess. Nothing much else. It's reminds me of ...

I like this, I really like this. alot of name dropping though. That's quite confusing. But I found this the best chapter. It's nice it's relaxing. It's actually my favourite ...

Finally we have some rest sort of, except action should be not be in. Plus Deus Ex Machina again, you're terrible for it. In real life things don't happen for ...

Hmm, too fast. I agree with Jared. Way too fast. I was like thinking hmm a change from Aedomir. I'm getting bored of him. Right now I just feel he's ...

I like this, apart from the mysterious power. I really wished you'd elaborate on it. It's confusing slightly. I like idea of this I thought maybe it was a person ...

Well as I'm reading this after next few chapter posted. I know he's alive :p. Boy I'm cruel lmao. Anyway overall a better chapter you're improving but don't get complacent. ...

Hmm, this chapter didn't do it for me. It wasn't the scene. I just felt some things not really explained. I've some advice for ya. I've found a great author ...

Well better, but now I feel this is getting cliche. I'm still enjoying it, but suddenly he releases this overwhelming power why not before why now? You can put something ...

Okay I shall begin Aedomir. Most of major things been pointed out before me. You've still not fixed this. a jet black ground had burnt from the ice WTF! What ...

Hmm, Aedomir did the grammar. I'll emphasise that. What I said again about it being Church I swear vampires can't enter them. Also my friend ages ago tried writing a ...

Well, I'm not about to give out to you for liking them. I like The Edge Chronicles *blushes*. We all have some sort of guilty pleasure. And I do read ...

Alot of this seemed forced too much. I liked it how it ended but even poets don't use bad english like "eated" it's not a word. Also poems don't need ...

I liked this. I'll say right off I'm not a fan of vampire stories, but I like idea of going through vampire and vicar personaility. Am I right? If not ...

Okay I agree with everyone else. The realisticness is bad. You ever seen a Sergent Major they yell alot. Here's an example of where you fail with speech. Bad: Welcome ...

I'll be honest, if this is serious it fails miserably. If not you still need more. Even comedy stories have substance. First thing you should do if spell check all ...