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Re: My First Poem
This is just a little something I wrote for a girl I'm currently seeing. I thought it'd be a nice thing to do. I just want some opinions on it ...
Apr 10, 2008 -
Re: The truth about celebrity.
Any constructive criticism is welcomed.. Media hype and fans diversity Is what makes a celebrity Talent is a plus But not a must So much for originality Journalists fight then ...
Apr 10, 2008 -
Re: A Night With My Lover
His river of muscles ripple with each motion Drinking in eyes like an entrancing potion A soft caress from rough skin Being in his arms feels like a lovely sin ...
Apr 3, 2008 -
Re: Midnight Run - Chap. 2
Firstly I agree with basically everything Peri says. But I didn't realize they were vampires. They seem more wolf like. The way they act. I thought they were wolves. It ...
Mar 24, 2008 -
Re: Campfire
That was amazingly well written, I so hope you win the compition. It deserves it. I'm came here willing to critique, but the solidness of this peice blew me clean ...
Mar 24, 2008 -
Re: +
Maybe it's just me, but this story would probably be more effective told from third person. The scene you establish is great, but what would make it better is if ...
Mar 24, 2008 -
Re: Worthy of Love
Firstly, Nate is right this is very very confusing. You start out with a long kinda cliche beginning. It's not so bad, but I had no idea it was a ...
Mar 24, 2008 -
Re: A Simple Peace
Peace is a state of being calm and quiet, or a state of freedom from disturbance according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Just like any other word, peace can be defined ...
Mar 18, 2008 -
Re: EverWayward #10
Sorry, I'm sorry I took so long. I haven't fallen out with your story I swear. Firstly I'm going to be incredibly blunt. I hate Aedomir, he's an idiot who ...
Mar 12, 2008 -
Re: Urban Dragons
Kyte sadly this isn't enough to give us an idea :(. My suggestion is ya work some more description in, it has potential just start differently it's quite cheap. Not ...
Feb 21, 2008 -
Re: All good things end
So bland and no character development what so ever! Harsh I know but what it lacks in character development it has in cliches. I frankly have been given no reason ...
Feb 21, 2008 -
Re: StoweAway #3
Chapter three, firstly I agree with Razor, pronouns are you're friend. Learn to use them :P. Now to nitty gritty: The canal was located just east of a factory. The ...
Feb 21, 2008 -
Re: DoaV (2nd version): Prologue Part 2
Right, now to begin part two. Major flaw is as Andy says the inconstincies with Yazra. Now you make critique with questions so thanks. Feedback questions 1) Does the boar ...
Feb 21, 2008 -
Re: StoweAway #2
Okay, sorry this took so long. My major complaint is you keep saying her name, where you could use she or her. Or even if it's obvious enough just structure ...
Feb 20, 2008 -
Re: Land of Sky, Land of Rain (Chapter One)
This was very well written, and sorry if my critique not that long. I'll do my best First even if speech like this: My teachers and parents have been trying ...
Feb 20, 2008
