Young Writers Society

ImHero here to review!

What I like?
-the images
-the breaks and stops half way through adds rythm

What can be improved?
-I think it can be more realistic. add personal experience and say something true about her. I mean you are practically generalizing what every girl wants to hear and it comes out forced and seems unrealistic.
-more specific images- the moon, halo they have all been used way too much.
-"eternal" seems out of place, you are saying she is beauty eternal?


I hope I helped even a little in this review. Also, thank you for writing

Your Hero
ImHero

Dynamo wrote:This is just a little something I wrote for a girl I'm currently seeing. I thought it'd be a nice thing to do. I just want some opinions on it before I actually read it to her.


Your eyes are like precious gems, glowing with the light of the clearest of halos,
Your smile is as bright as the full moon in the midnight sky,
Your hair is as fine as silk, weaved by the careful hands of nature,
Your lips are as soft as the snow on a late Christmas night,
You make me feel in a way that no woman before you has,
For you are beauty eternal, in body, mind and soul.

It was sweet and i'm sure your girlfriend will love it! I loved the flow of the words. Your similes are wonderful. If my boyfriend read me that poem i would jump with excitment! It will make her feel like the prettiest girl in the world. Great job!

i agree with Leja, i think that the poem is sweet, and the girl you plan to read it to or have already read it to, will appreciate it- but it think that the words are empty.

i think the imagery you have used is great.

To make the words less 'empty' i think you should try and add more of how she makes you feel, as you have done so in the last few lines.

hope i helped =) x

Well personally, I thought it was a bit cliched. The imagery was fantastic though, and the rhythm was also great, but the words and poem seemed rather empty to me. Maybe personalize it more show that this poem is meant for her. It could be that you printed this poem out from the net and handed it to her.
It probably isn't, I know and you probably wrote this with earnest, still it lacks originality.

I like your style and I understand that this is your first poem. You'll learn more about poetry as you write on.

-Keep writing!

Dynamo wrote:This is just a little something I wrote for a girl I'm currently seeing. I thought it'd be a nice thing to do. I just want some opinions on it before I actually read it to her.


Your eyes are like precious gems, glowing with the light of the clearest of halos,
Your smile is as bright as the full moon in the midnight sky,
Your hair is as fine as silk, weaved by the careful hands of nature,
Your lips are as soft as the snow on a late Christmas night,
You make me feel in a way that no woman before you has,
For you are beauty eternal, in body, mind and soul.

I think this is a very good poem for a girl as it is sweet
However it is a bit cliched if you ask me as it uses the comparisons with her body/personality
You should focus it more around the final two lines as that is more deep and probably more effective

You make me feel in a way that no woman before you has,
For you are beauty eternal, in body, mind and soul.

If I were that girl, I think I would fall for that poem because it rocks in a sweet way!

It seemed like lines from a book.
Overall, I liked it very much though.
Maybe poems are not your style and that's okay.
But this line would really captivate me in a book.
I'd want to read it over and over.
I enjoyed this very much 10/10 points for creativity and flow.
I would want to read this out loud. If I was you, I'd consider writing a novel. Historic or romantic adventure I think these lines would really fit in!
You're amazing!

Your eyes are like precious gems, glowing with the light of the clearest of halos,
Your smile is as bright as the full moon in the midnight sky,
Your hair is as fine as silk, weaved by the careful hands of nature,
Your lips are as soft as the snow on a late Christmas night,
You make me feel in a way that no woman before you has,
For you are beauty eternal, in body, mind and soul.


alittle corney for me, however i liked your imagination, your comparisons with her and nature were very unique.

7/10

I'm sure the girl you're reading this to will appreciate it, but it doesn't have many poetic elements within it. It seems like the kind of typical thing that a guy will say in a poem to a girl he likes, but all in all, I find the words to be rather empty, and so far away from any true meaning. Personally, I'd say drop the nature/heavenly imagery, and pick one element to center the poem around.

Awww. That's nice. I liked it. The only thing I think you should change is that you should put a period at the end of each line, not a comma. That'll work better.

The content was good. I loved it! Great job!


BBB