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Re: Right By You
it felt bumpy and inconsistent. the patterned stuructured first stanza followed by less structured other stanzas bothered me.
Feb 26, 2005 -
Re: Reality
way too short and way too simple. i don't even think i can get a feel for the poem to tell if it has potential from that. needs some serious ...
Feb 26, 2005 -
Re: summer heat (needs better title)
ok went back and added commas where i would intend for a pause. i do understand the need for them but i'm horrible at ever remembering to use punctuation. so ...
Feb 26, 2005 -
Re: english gothic
beautiful to read but one thing that bothered me was "black as the air at night" i didn't really like the wording or even the metaphor itself.
Feb 26, 2005 -
Re: Just Us
The touch of your hand holds my mind in place has we float above the ground, i think you mean as not has it was ok overall. there was too ...
Feb 25, 2005 -
Re: resonation
interesting but vague maybe too vague
Feb 24, 2005 -
Re: Flowers
i think it'll work best along side the picture but it does a really godo job of painting a picture by itself. one thing though... "i wonder of they weep" ...
Feb 21, 2005 -
Re: Memory
it's straightfoward and a bit too sweet. i can't say what to improve because it's just i'm not really digging it and i have a hard time making suggestions for ...
Feb 21, 2005 -
Re: (Deleted).
seemed too straightfoward and very very predictable
Feb 19, 2005 -
Re: To Win a Date
nice and rather light which is a bit uncommon from you but good none the less.
Feb 18, 2005 -
Re: My Butterfly
it didn't keep my attention very well. it has the potential to be really interactive and like toy with the reader but it doesn't really.
Feb 15, 2005 -
Re: My First Poem
it wasn't bad considering the restrictions placed on it but the flow was interrupted by the form
Feb 15, 2005 -
Re: Apocalypse Of Indecision
absolutely beautiful. the flow of words and their very sound (i felt complelled to read it aloud) are a pleasure.
Feb 13, 2005 -
Re: Ah, les bons vieux temps ou nous etions si malheureux.
it's interesting and i like the idea but it didn't really capture me. the tone as lovely but because it's so general it seems too light.
Feb 13, 2005 -
Re: Gloomy, Randy and No Whiskey: Maturity Rating: Over 13
there's defintly some really good lines in there. overall i don't really know how i feel on it but parts of it really strike me. as for what you're getting ...
Feb 13, 2005
