chocolatechipmuffin

Honestly, I couldn't even see that as a children's song. Poetry is a form of expressing your emotions. This...poem...was dead. Completely void of emotion. Dull. Painful. No feeling. It didn't ...

Colleen, sfumato is a painting technique, developed by da Vinci. I'm not sure how it's done, but the end result is a smoky, misty image, with softer edges, blurred lines. ...

The first two stanzas were all harsh. Harsh sounds, images, and ideas. The last part, with the gentle cherry blossoms, was soft and gentle. There was no transition. You went ...

Oh! This is my second time reading it, I just figured it out. Emily/Helen/Lily is schizophrenic, right? Multiple personalities/sees other people? It was very confusing, also "we're" has an apostrophe.

Wow...That was amazing! I agree, more about their culture, do they worship Destiny? How early do they have kids if everyone dies at eighteen? Is this another world, an ancient ...

The way I interpreted it was that your male friend got himself a girlfriend, who refused to let you talk to your friend. Is that right? Something about this sounded ...

I like it, too! I think perhaps you should add something contrasting want you're wishing for with what you actually get. Or "but you won't do that because..." Or "If ...

I love your theme, I wanted a little teensy-tiny bit more. It has a good feeling, it's not held back by rhymes or even syllable counts, even though you used ...

I felt like you were going for a certain emotion, but I got confused. I couldn't tell if you were trying to be somewhat sarcastic "This is how adults see ...

I appreciated Eragon, and it was a good story, but...not very original, and I honestly don't like Paolini's style. I saw everything coming long before it happened, even the SURPRISE! ...

It is not! You see "stains" is two syllables. "stay-eens" :D Problem solved. Aet, I think you need to leave out those titles, I think it's cheating, when the whole ...

I would also break up the lines. I get the "wet wings of a butterfly," when butterflies first come out of their cocoons, their wings are wet, they can't fly. ...

I like that. You incorporate Orthodoxy into everything you write, don't you? :P I guess we all write what we know... I liked the idea, but Gabriel--Oh! I just got ...

Your baby sister sounds lovely, but I agree with Colleen, the descriptions aren't unique, they're almost cliche. Look at each description, and think about how else you can say it. ...

My faces scared and broken look, This makes very little sense to me, I get the idea of what you were trying to say, but the incorrect grammar bothers me. ...