chocoholic

Two things: 1. The rules state that you have to review two things before you post your own work, and then it's polite to keep the ratio 2:1. It's polite ...

First of all, if this is set in ancient Rome I woould put it in Historical Fiction instead of Other Fiction. pitch blackness You need to change this. Pitch darkness ...

I liked it. The descriptions were good, but it was very... modenr. Does that make sense? I mean, a lot of the pieces I read with beautiful images and description ...

Very nice imagery. I couldn't spot any mistakes, but there are a few things I think could be changed. I lie back in my hammock and look up at the ...

I was very confused. I had no idea what was going on or who these people were. You need to spend some time building up your characters and scene. I ...

Nice. I liked the first parts, they were very true and exactly what life can be like. But this part: "You're old and boring, you don't understand me!" I've been ...

That was really sweet. She sets goals And attains them I float anywhere Just happy to be me This bit didn't work for me. The sound was different from the ...

So I'll get straight on with a crit, and then give you more general comments, shall I? That afternoon I decided to take a small detour through Chinatown on the ...

It's very long, and you're not going to get many crits unless you break it up. I found it alright, not brilliant, but alright. I'm not going to go into ...

I'm not going to ead it because I don't do horror, but your title will put people off. Nobody wants to read something with a title like that, because usually ...

*Sigh* And here I was thinking I stood a chance! It was really lovely and serene. Brilliantly hued plants I had a proble with this section. I think you should ...

This is... not a novel. It's just you insulting people, really. It's not interesting so far, and if the whole thing is like this, it won't be interesting at all. ...

Good. I liked this one. I think Carolina's anxienty was just right, and the excitement about having somebody actually sit with her at lunch. I could really feel for her. ...

This didn't seem finished to me. You just sort of, left it hanging. There didn't seem to be much structure, a least, nothing I've learnt, and it put me off. ...

Okay, this is obviously unfinsihed. And if it is, it's not a very good ending. Nothing was resolved, and the reader is left thinging, 'what the hell just happened? Nonetheless ...