Published January 28, 2008
Prologue
Stumbling through the pitch blackness, the man tried to haul himself away from his attacker and towards the safety of his villa. Begging in desperation, he threw his crimson-coated hands at the assailant’s body, only to crumple to the ground as he felt the cold, sharp metal thrust through him like an arrow aimed perfectly at its destination.
His eyes wide with terror, he sank slowly and softly to the ground. He tried to reach for the silhouetted figure at the far end of the street, in the vain hope that someone might save him. Yet no-one answered his call, as his life ebbed away.
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141,288 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay well that was certainly quite a short prologue. A bit of a short and sweet scenario if ever there was one here. I think you've done a pretty solid job there in terms of bringing one of those to life with this particular scene here. Its got just about enough happening to make it interesting without ending up too vague or incomplete sounding.
Its not too often that you run into prologues quite like this actually, ones that happen to be as small as this one is but still does enough to get your attention well enough that they would still work out pretty well in terms of doing the job of an actual prologue. Now premise wise this piece is somewhat lacking since we just have a sort of very basic setting and the image of a person falling to the ground in this one spot, clearly dying with no one around to really help and we don't quite know why this death is happening or to whom at whose hands so premise wise I think you could try and add a bit more to this here, but as it stands this is a pretty well written little scene here that does in fact make you quite curious and want to find out more.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
First of all, if this is set in ancient Rome I woould put it in Historical Fiction instead of Other Fiction.
You need to change this. Pitch darkness would work, but I don't think you should include pitch in there at all. It sounds better without it.
This makes it sound as if he's detactched his hands and thrown them at the attacker. What about:
he threw himself at the assailants body, his crimson-coated hands struggling to get a grip around his neck.
I would change this to But
I don't think this word works very well. Perhaps bleed, if you want it to be decriptive, of drifted, if not.
I did like this. You brought in the action right away, and it made me want to read it.
Tell me when you post more!
This needs some edititing but don't feel like it right now so I will just tell you what is wrong with it. One is why is it just called Prologue.
I think you should put as a good title is Prologue of......... what ever you want.
"Yet no-one answered his call, as his life ebbed away."
What does the word EBBED mean?
Well thats all I hav e to say than it need some work but good job.
Gothgirl01
I say exactly what Sleeping Valor said.
GREAT JOB!
ST
'pitch blackness' <This sounds odd to me. I don't know why. I think it's 'pitch darkness' or 'pitch black'.
villa or village?
"Yet no-one answered his call as his life ebbed away" <no comma
Yay! Starting wit a chase scene. ^_^ Always a good hook (and I do love hooks). This looks good. it's short, so there's no way of giving you a very in depth critique, but it looks good.
^_^ Keek!