carelessaussie13

While this has potential, I think the lines are a bit choppy and the rhymes seem forced. Rework it, but stick to the original feeling in the poem. It's really ...

I love it! However it seems to me quite a bit more like poetic prose than poetry, if you will. I would go over this and figure out how you ...

Wonderful. I love the bird metaphor kept through the whole thing. Check your rhythm and you'll find that it's a little off in a bunch of places. Don't chick this, ...

If this poem made sense it would be beautiful. What I mean is, the language is beautiful, if random, and the peculiar rhythm you've got going on is very attractive ...

I'm not going to post any more Clearwater, because no one is critiquing any more, but I'm still writing and I think it's going very well. Thanks for everything, and ...

I wrote that days had passed for Emma because, while time was stopped for everyone besides those four kids, Ivy/Ixchel and the gods, the earth was still rotating and therefore ...

I'm a little confused here. Whatever you're trying to get across to us, it's not working. But i love the wording and I could definitely picture the girl.

No, I didn't get the name Clearwater from Aveyond. I've never heard of it. I looked up the names of towns in Connecticut and then put Clearwater in Pennsylvania. Hee ...

Try going through and counting syllables and I think you'll find that your rhyme is significantly off beat. Correct that and voila! Yay! 8) bingo

This has been done many times before. One question. Is the suffocation literal or figurative? Because that makes all the difference in the world.

The only issue I could find with this poem was that the "I fell in" line was very sudden and abrupt. Otherwise, kudos. :D

The Revealers is a book for younger kids, I read it as an English assignment in sixth or seventh grade. It's about these three kids who are picked on for ...

"making my heart race, Not your face." What? That doesn't make sense.

It really conveyed the empty feeling of loss while at the same time being totally full of rick detail like chocolate melting on your tongue. Kodos.

The fourth line " a mistaken wrong move " is stating things twice. Just tho0ght I'd point that out. Good idea; punctuate for more crits