carelessaussie13

ah, I see we think alike! I loved it! I've been trying to write a poem to this affect for months. Very good job. One little crit. The last stanza, ...

Good poem, nice topic, might I recommend rhythm? The four-line stanza made me think of this as a rhythmic poem, and then I stumbled over the syllables. Yes, a positive ...

The poem itself is very good, but the format is unaeppetizing, if you can think of a poem as being appetizing. I second the opinion about the adjectives. Happy editing! ...

"All there is is darkness" The repetition if the word "is" interupts the flow of the piece. I would recommend There is only darkness or something along those lines. Happy ...

Good work, but personally I don't think the change in structure is working for you here. Try reworking the last bit into couplets like the rest, see where it takes ...

Okay, wow, first of all. I may be only thirteen and everything, but the big-wordiness is, in my humble opinion, overwhelming the rest of the poem. Juxtaposed? I didn't even ...

I disagree with the bit about the 'I'. It was definitely a stumble; I went back and reread that line, which threw me out of the flow of the poem. ...

This wasn't that bad, but definitely has plenty of room for reworking. I didn't catch what exactly she was so sad about (her past, but what about it?) Also, the ...

I would drop the rhyme. It dteracts from the overall metaphor, which is, by the way, very good. I am really impressed. Ha! If you check out my failures, you'll ...

I can find nothing wrong with it, precisely, but it lacks something. Definitely don't scrap it, but I'd work with it a bit and see what you can come up ...

Gyrfalcon you have achieved what I have tried to for SO long. Literally. I do agree that it does start to sound a bit like a cheerleader's chant, though. . ...

Very sad, very good. One small crit-- " but never closed, but never cured, never mended, always open" You could probably take out one or the other of those two ...

This is wicked good for an 8 year old, not that you haven't heard that before. Anyway, reworking this would be way cool. All hail the painful process of rewriting! ...

You know, if you poofed up the humor in this a little, made everything just a little more unbelievable, you could do someting really cool with this. 8) Really awesome ...

Very good job, and I have one small crit. The line and the sun never stops, seems to be a little off to me. Even just changing it to 'always ...