Young Writers Society

Hehe...I wrote this a couple of years ago for my 6th grade science class. We were supposed to write a story about how science happens in the world, as opposed to what humans think. Just imagine what I got on this...

The Earth REVEALED

Since the beginning of time humans have been wondering about what goes on in space. If there are other life-forms on other planets, if there is another civilization yearning to make contact with them. Humans as well think that many types of buildings had been created by what we call ‘ALIENS’. Like what? Well, Stonehenge is one example. This “rock clock” are enormous boulders put together making a sundial, a former kind of clock. Another example is crop circles, which are giant drawings made in fields used to grow crops. These drawings have suddenly appeared in a day, depicting anything from people to animals to just crazy mosaics of circles. It is true that aliens have created this, and it is also true that aliens created the Earth itself. You see, Earth is all just a big experiment to aliens. You see, the Earth is really very, very, very small, and aliens are very, very, very big. Have you ever wondered what other planets are? Well, they are the heads of the aliens that probe us and whatever happens here is caused by them.

Rain, for example. We think that rain is the precipitation of water, after it gets sucked up from the oceans by the hot sun, it moves to clouds and stores there until the cloud releases the water in tiny droplets, making rain. Rain, thought to be one of the most destructive forces on the Earth can flood entire countries in a single week. Yes, this is what aliens want us to think, but it is not true. Rain is really when, as aliens are working on the earth, they sneeze and tiny drops of alien mucus, which is actually conserved h2o (A.K.A. Water) falls down to earth. The reason that it doesn’t rain as much in deserts as it does anywhere else is because sand soothes the allergic reactions of aliens, making them sneeze a lot less than near grasslands.

Aliens are also known for, and very fond of, their dandruff. Although they don’t have any hair on their whole body whatsoever, they still happen to have dandruff. You might think that snow happens because rain falls and freezes in midair, making cold, frosty snow, right? Well, sorry to break it to you, but you’re dead wrong. Snow is actually alien dandruff. Aliens are addicted to scratching their heads, and also never washing it, so by doing that, tiny flecks of dandruff falls down to their “Experiment Earth”, storing up “snow” everywhere from Mount Everest to New York. Now you must be wondering, why doesn’t it snow in the deserts such as San Diego then? That is because when aliens see sand, they have a sudden impulse to name something “Waffles” and so they go over to Mount Everest or New York and name it Waffles. Aliens are also known that as they are naming something Waffles, to scratch their heads in confusion and ask themselves, “Why did I just name that place Waffles?” therefore making it rain down dandruff, a human equivalent to snow.

How do volcanoes happen, you ask? That’s a very easy question, once you know what aliens love. First, let’s talk about how humans think of volcanoes. Volcanoes are known to happen inside a “Mid-Ocean Ridge”, which is a giant gap inside the earth which to overlapping tectonic plates make. This is very stupid for humans, dubbed by themselves: “The Most Intelligent Life-form in the Universe”, because a Mid-“Ocean” Ridge does not necessarily happen in the middle of an ocean. As I was saying, according to humans, pressure builds up in these ridges until there is enough to blow up, squirting magma and lava everywhere. The exact noise that a volcano does is known by humans as “BOOM!”, but this is also very stupid of them because the exact noise is more like a “KRARKJAIDJFOIKG!” Getting back to the original topic, aliens happen to love orange soda. Not just any regular kind of orange soda, they happen to love alien orange soda. Well, alien orange soda is one of the hottest, most pressurized carbon and other substance drink in the whole universe. Aliens love orange soda so much that they will drink it over the Earth as they are watching it and after getting the sudden impulse to name a place Waffles, they will spill it. By the way, they also have a tendency of spilling it in a mid-ocean ridge, and when orange soda touches an Earth substance, it immediately builds up pressure and blows up.

Right about now, the fellow reader must be wondering, “How does thunder and lightning happen then?” If you are, you just earned yourself a cookie, if you’re not, you should be very ashamed of yourself. Humans think that lightning happens when electricity sparks off of water through clouds, and sends an electric shock to the Earth. They also think that thunder is the sound when lighting hits the Earth, shaking the plates underneath. Also, if you think this, be ashamed. If you don’t, I ate all the cookies already so you can’t have any. Lightning really happens as aliens, with their clumsy hands are working on the Earth, they send down an electric spark. How? Well, as alien skin touches any kind of aluminum, they immediately build up an electric spark on their finger, and whatever they touch next will get completely shock. Aluminum is preferably what their orange soda cans are made of, so…yeah. Thunder itself happens when, as the alien has just touched the Earth, it, by instinct, sets down the orange soda can on the table the Earth is on, sending out a rumbling noise.

Moving on, I will now tell you how a tsunami actually happens. It was never proven that tsunamis are made when two tectonic plates rub together, shaking the water thus creating a giant wave that can wipe out entire cities in a matter of seconds. How tsunamis really happen is when after an alien names a place Waffles, they start drooling, sending giant drops of water from their mouth down to earth. The drops tumble down, moving the water, and then creating a certain “giant wave”, which is…the tsunami.

Until we meet again, you must take this information and share it with your fellow peers. *X-Files theme song plays*...