canislupis

Hi there! Here to review. :) Jeremy slouched against the wall, trying to look casual, though felt slightly awkward and out of place. His eyes slowly scanned the small group ...

Wow, I really like this! I've found myself warming up to the story a lot, and this is my favorite bit so far. The confusion has mostly worn off as ...

Hi there, and welcome to YWS! I guess I'm your first reviewer! So, first of all, I really, really like this. :) My main critique is not going to be ...

First of all, since you're using the Star Wars universe, this is fanfiction, not science fiction. It belongs in that forum, so get a mod to move it there. I ...

Hi! A few nitpicks first: I growled sleepily at the people in the hallway. I knew it wasn't really their fault it was morning, but I couldn't help the desire ...

The good: I liked the original voice, and the way the dialogue was written was realistic without feeling stilted. I liked the characters as well, and the intriguing story line. ...

Hi there! And welcome to YWS! I used to have your exact avatar. :) Anyhow, on to the review! This isn't really a story--yet. It feels more like an outline ...

This is straight from my little poem and story book.(My lttle poem and story book is a notebook that I write them in!) I have one of those too! ;) ...

Hey there! I really liked this. It felt like poetry. Just a few things: Numbness...I don't want the numbness to go away. Because when I'm not numb I'm in pain. ...

Hi! Here is you requested critique. I haven't read the first two, so sorry if I mention something that was covered in the other parts. I think the line-by-line stuff ...

I agree with others before me--the point of "flash fiction" is to give your readers a snapshot image of something, usually trying to be very descriptive. Usually people describe one ...

I'm not sure how to react to this. It's like a story in a single paragraph! ;) Where is the conflict? Story= character with a goal+obstacles/challenges that try to keep ...

What I liked: The voice is getting stronger, and I laughed at the same points Skins did. :) It sounds very real! Also, I like that her character is a ...

Wow, I really liked this. The way they interacted with eachother was really realistic, and it was very well written. I'm not really sure where it is you're going with ...

Hi there! It looks like the nitpicks have been taken care of, so I'll just find something else to talk about. :) I really liked this--the voice is very unique ...