bugbug368

Wow, nice. Very deep and you must have thought long and hard to make this. Is it based on you? Because if it is, then well done, I could maybe ...

Meh. It's okay I suppose. I mean, I like Harry Potter and all, but I'm just not feeling it. Maybe you need to add more, because it's not much to ...

This is really cool. It's not something that somebody might write about, but it's pretty good actually. The way the characters link is very accurate and it's odd but weirdly ...

Hmmm... Not something that I would read, but I gave it a a go and actually seemed to like it. It's good, but when I first started reading this, I ...

This is really good. I do like this. Only a couple picky parts that can be changed easily. First of all, the last couple of sentences are good and gets ...

Hehe, I really enjoyed this. I really did. You are truly a great writer, so much well done. I loved how you make it seem so really, and that's what ...

Yeah, the first thing I found in this peice is that I got confused on who's speaking. I mean, who is saying what??? It doesn't even say anything about you ...

Wow, I really liked this. It's so good and when I started I just couldn't finish. But I had to when it got to the end. Please write more, because ...

This is really good. I liked how you get the characters to link and it goes straight into the action. I really enjoyed it and can't wait for more additions. ...

For one, what really annoyed me was that there was no capital letter at the start of the sentence. It really got me angry for some reason. Sorry, that's the ...

I love this poem! It's so deep and effective. Maybe you could choose different sentance starters like using adverbs, adjectives or verbs instead of the boring I, me or we. ...

Well done. I like all the tension going on. I can't really grasp the characters much, so you may need to work on that. It's long, effective and very dramatic. ...

It seems a bit like your writing it for a very young audience. Instead of just saying 'one fine morning', you could say something like: 'nine am and the sun ...

Can I just add, maybe you should'nt put the Hey YWS! part in it, because I find it destracting and your mind can focus on that, and most non-intelligent may ...

Hey, To cut to the chase, you use the word pain way to much! It gets so boring and dull when you've heard the same word over and over again. ...