bubblewrapped

Hi there! I see we meet again! Nice to see you're using some more punctuation in this one and some more formatting. Kudos! Still, you might want to think about ...

Welcome to YWS! Pleased to have you with us :) Unfortunately I'm going to have to be ruthless here. As it stands, this is just one big run-on sentence. Where ...

Hi there! Welcome to YWS! First off, I want to compliment you on your rhyming. You're one of the few poets I've met on here (no offense anyone) who can ...

I agree with miyaviloves- it seems a bit flat at the moment. Nice to see you're taking critiques on board though! I think a bit of rearranging (regarding line breaks ...

This was certainly very emotional, and I liked the unique way you explained through questions, rather than simple sentences, up until the last verse. You clearly have an instinctive grasp ...

My reaction: Wahuh? There's something majorly missing here, and guess what it is? Coherency. I'm really not getting the point of this poem! I stop and smile, And think a ...

THis was very good. A nice little piece that flowed well (like Ari said) and didnt overwhelm the story with historical detail. Well done! I'm going to be picky and ...

I liked this. They rhythm was unusual but smooth and fast moving, and each line seemed well-balanced. The imagery was awesome (in a revolting kind of way, LOL) and maintained ...

And I'm left with absolutely nothing left to say, LOL, except that it was very well done- I think my favourite of your poems so far. I love the deceptively ...

I do want to point out to you that if that is your real name then it's inadvisable to post it online like that. Otherwise, I'm afraid there really isnt ...

I'm thinking from this that you are feeling a bit harrassed, yes? So I will try to be gentle :) Aside from the general inadvisability of referring to a poem ...

Whoa lillizard -- are you channelling Incan or something? You're being a bit harsh there mate. Maybe tone it down just a little, OK? Hello xlilxzox, welcome to YWS! It's ...

Welcome to YWS! Shall I be blunt? There are three major things wrong with this poem: 1. There is no point. I know poetry is an expression of self, but ...

I dont agree lillizard- for someone who doesnt usually write poetry this is pretty good. I think the preoccupation with rhyming is the problem really; your rhythm is quite strong ...

I liked it, in a disinterested kind of way, but Incan is right -- there's nothing here which gives me that sudden feeling of enlightenment which is the hallmark of ...