brassnbridle

I agree with the posts above- you need to work on developing your characters, especially your main one. What sort of thoughts does he have, other than hesitation about becoming ...

thank you- I'd been pretty sure she was a girl but i wasn't positive. As a result, I think you need to tell us more about Angi, so we understand ...

I haven't read the previous chapters, but this one was really good, with good description and grammar. The only thing was that Levi's character didn't seem very deep, but maybe ...

Your story and characters are flat- nobody seems to say or do anything with any emotion. Also, I know the fifth book is long, but its very confusing when you ...

You've got a lot of good things going here- your descriptions are really good most of the time. But wow, you have a lot of run-on sentences. It takes away ...

And we can’t change that. No matter how hard we try. So really, how can anyone say whether or not it would be better if this hadn’t happened? If nobody ...

This is just my opinion, but I think you should change to past tense. We speak in past tense and past tense reads easier and smoother and often makes more ...

I got a bit confused after the boy took the black sphere, espeicially the last paragraph. They way I understood it, whole fire thing is somehow the result of the ...

This's one hard girl! You write very well and use good vocabulary and sentence formation. But you have a few run-on sentences, and occasionally get carried away with comas. For ...

Just wanted to say your opening was kinda slow- lots of books start with storms. In my opinion the characters didn't speak very naturally, but then if they're wizards and ...

Ok, first of all your story was written in completely short, choppy sentences. Like someone above said- show, don't tell! Let us know how the characters feel and think! Also, ...

I think its well written and other than minor grammar and editing mistakes it reads well. It catches your attention, as described previously. Personally I'd hope for a bit more ...

First of all, this is a really really long post. I'll be reading it in a couple parts. It really does make it easier on the reviewer if the post ...

I think it was very well written- only a few nitpicking things. "What are you doing out at this hour Serf? There should be a coma after hour. The man ...

I have to admit, the whole seeing a 'dream' as a baby concept kind of threw me, but then again its probably supposed to. You write suspence and intensity very ...