babymagic18

I didn't like the title. I felt the POV was a mess. The writing is stiff to say the least. I'm really not drawn into this story. There was no ...

I agree with windrattletheblinds the opening paragragh was a good start. Unfortunatly I felt it went downhill from there. What was the deal with the father threatening the boys? How ...

So this is interesting. I'll start at the beginning. The last sentence in the first paragraph needs work. Moving on Casey could have displayed her power using a stronger object. ...

The last sentence is a sure hooker. Good job. So I felt the first paragraph could have used more description. Is the character cold, nervous, anxious? Jail is a big ...

The main character of the story has a good voice it could be tweeked a bit but otherwise good. As I don't know the beginning of the story I can't ...

So I thought your story was fairly well written. I immediatly questioned where the main character was. She's playing a card game but I have no image of the where. ...

So I'm going to be blunt and honest. This story is a complete snore fest. The opening is weak. If there is no real importance to watching t.v. please don't ...

As a writer you had a pretty good grasp of desriptive words but lacked in painting a picture with them. It's always better to read a story when the reader ...

This is well written...if only I had the talent at all to write a poem such as your own.

Oh wow...wow, wow wow. This is a horrendous mess but I take it you already know that? Please tell me where you were or are trying to take this so ...

I really don't know what to think of this story. I mean you really tried to give us visual and that's great but it wasn't really clear I should say. ...

Oh wow this is good. No this is excellent! The way you opened it totally grabs the readers attention and doesn't let go. I'm never able to find pieces such ...

I enjoyed reading this piece I really did. Something to watch out for though, description you had a bit too much of it to be honest. I definetly got a ...

I like the title. The opening was really just blah to tell the truth and really long. When you're writing you want to write just enough to have other readers ...

Sorry but I had to think this was a really bland piece of work. The title and the story itself. There are already so many stories like yours already so ...