ankhirke

Heyo Loredaen! You've got a good grasp of mechanics, and it's obvious that you can write (even for a draft, this is pretty good!). However, my main complaint with this ...

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to comment on this. I'd read it when you messaged me, and then I got distracted by school... and well... Anyways. I just ...

Sorry that this isn't a full review, but I'm not finding much to criticize in this piece. Your characters are strong and compelling, and the conflict is present in full ...

The first paragraph had me sort of wary, but you managed to banish that completely within the next two. This drew me in and held me in a stranglehold. The ...

This was really cool. Short, chopped sentences captured the mentality and youth of the MC very well, as well as managing to make this super creepy. For the first half, ...

Hmmm.... I agree with fortuna. You need to cut this up and look over it, 'cause there were quite a few spelling/grammar mistakes. And part of that is the voice ...

There's not much to critique about this piece - it was very good! You've got a very traditional voice and style that evokes fairy tales, though I think it could ...

A well-written piece, but I am fascinated by the fact that you think this is sparse description. Your first paragraph is pure description (and I tend to dislike Setting starters, ...

Interesting premise, very nice structure with the three princess types. The descriptions of the three are all very well written, and you've got some nice allusions in there. The last ...

ah, so there is going to be more of this? I read this thinking that it was a stand-alone piece - which, it almost worked, it really almost did. I ...

I think Thunder and Haruno have gotten most of the nit picks, so I won't go over those again; i'll just give my first impressions. It wasn't badly written - ...

My comments are in bold following each paragraph There once was a young girl that lived in a world called Threa. Threa was a very large and beautiful world. There ...

Amazing work. The character interaction was so completely well done - it's all very subtle, very jane austen, as others have mentioned. You've captured the language perfectly as well, and ...

I think Jabber covered most of it. You can't always expect a reader to read a prologue before jumping into the text proper - I know at least one person ...

Amazing work. This is excellently written - the descriptions are absolutely beautiful. You capture the MC's emotions very well. One thing I will say is that as I began to ...