Twit

:D Good, like the first part! I like the way you write the gods as human, not putting them up on pedestals and making them all grand. This way it's ...

*I* thought it was funny. I really did laugh out loud at the last lines.

Oh my oh lawks oh MAN!! Wasn't expecting that bombshell, very nicely dropped on my unsuspecting toes. Nor had he expected the man to have an open bottle of brandy ...

I thought this was better than the first draft. Brings out Jamie's violent side.

Chapter Three: Promise. Any jealous fears I may have had melted away during the next few weeks. Sherringford adapted easily to live under Mr Holmes' watchful eye, and even though ...

This didn't read as easily as your other stuff, JC. The others all pointed out the main stuff. It was well written, but somewhat choppy in places.

Aw, this was sad. Not soppy, just emotional. And the last line just summed it all up.

This was written a lot better, but the other changes - or things I didn't get the first time - should be changed again. Namely, girl and girl. Girl and ...

Yeah, Jamie ought to leave! Her mum hates/sincerely dislikes her, and she's not safe around her dad. She's got a car; why doesn't she scarper??

Very good ending! And good story; enter it, get it published, go the whole hog! Would Sig Saur have the SIG capitalized though? I've never seem it written like that. ...

I think it had enough conflict, but that's just my personal preference. :) Good, this, and Clau did the nitpick already.

Great! The way you described the pouring of the tea nd the drinking was fab; you really built up a picture of what it would look like. :) Only this ...

Oh nice. Emotional, not too soppy, just right. I like the touch about the nails being named. :wink:

Wow, this is getting real good! Great! I don't want to crit - and there wasn't anything to nitpick anyway. Great job, and building the tension here. Not so sure ...

Hey, nice! It read very smoothly, and it had a nice personal feel to it. And the subject is something I can empathize with - I'll be going to school ...