Twit

Woah, this was really long and really difficult to read. Sorry, but it was. You forgot lots of punctuation and grammer. Like here: “ y eah . ” I choked ...

Hai! Lol, this was quite funny and interesting. I like the rabid cat. :lol: I think you told a bit too much, when, as it's Tory's diary, she wouldn't need ...

Hi, Gyr! :D Her midsection bulged and she screamed, her dress torn, her face red, her pain radiating out like a tide as she continued to name me: “Ariel, Ariel, ...

Hi! This was quite cool and dramatic. :D However, I did notice a few things, mainly about the baby. You say twice that it's just been born, but it doesn't ...

Hi! This was kind of interesting, but there wasn't much to it. Girl sleeps with boyfriend, girl gets depressed and dies. Jadyn's reaction seemed over the top, but I thought ...

Hi! This was very, very short. Are you planning on adding to it? Although the title drew me in, it sounds a bit childish, you know? so maybe change it. ...

I know this is going to sound harsh, but I'm still going to say it. This story is incredibly cliched. Super powerful Elves? Been done before. Powers that can take ...

Hi! This wasn't nearly as good as your first chapter. This was rushed. You never slowed down to take a breath and properly describe things! Run this through a spell-checker ...

Hi! This was really interesting! I thought at first that was going to be about Marie who modelled for Degas's dancer model, but she had a different name. Or is ...

Io! It was bitter cold out two weeks ago when I began this project. So, does this mean that it was cold two weeks after you began the project, or ...

Hi! I've read all the chapters you've put up so far, so I might point out that you're posting too many chapters and not reviewing enough of other people's works. ...

Blondie has just killed a rat; he’s got its tail in his fore finger and his thumb and is swinging it just like a pendulum. Swinging the seconds away. While ...

The night was very dark, with the moon covered by clouds heavy with rain. Too many “with”s. Maybe split this into two sentences? “The night was very dark. The moon ...

Hi! Making a good first impression -- ur doin it rong. Firstly, you need to review at least two other pieces of work before you post anything of your own. ...

Hi! First of all, it's the Rules that you review at least two pieces of work before you post anything of your own. It's more everybody-friendly that way. :) To ...