Trident

Hi Aley, my thoughts: Firstly, please don't ever apologize or feel like you have to "warn" people about "alternative" sexualities. There may need to be a warning about sexual content ...

Hi HHemayed, here are a few of my thoughts: It was nice in a parable sort of way, but there were two main issues that I'm having problems with. It's ...

Hi Audy, let's see here... I mean, I can't not comment first about the ending here. I mean, it just sticks out SO much. I might like it more, but ...

Hello Kafka, my few, and perhaps inadequate, thoughts: the last time I tried to find poetry in burning, I lost my neighbor I am just unsure of the gerund usage ...

Hi gummie. I don't think what you have is terrible here. Just needs some practice. We'll try to get you going a little bit better here: She crossed the room, ...

Hi Persy, this is lovely. A few thoughts: the poetry of space (aka proximity) This is lovely and the parentheses really work. I think the connection between the words "space" ...

Hey Kafka, nice one here. Some things: It was deep winter when Jack, Bob and I resolved to go sledding. Jack, however, faced a quandary. "My dog is in jail," ...

Hi Spark, I'll try to give this a good effort: Epigraphs You have the start of an epigraph, which I'm glad you put because you've done a bit of borrowing. ...

Hey Penguin. Here we go: I gave up poetry when my hands were tired, thin from all work and no play, the callous of pen and key still hard and ...

Hello anonymou5, welcome to YWS. A few observations I have made here: There's a heavy stone, sitting on my cage. The barrel inside it feels alone, and I will die ...

Hello Stori, interesting start you have here: They always take their time pulling out of me. It's like they're saying, You are mine. While having a vague beginning can be ...

Hi Puckerman, thanks for the essay. A few things: The need to be seen as separate as one's father/parents is a theme that has long been explored in literature. When ...

Hi AwesomeSauce, a few issues here: Excessive repetition Repetition can be used to good effect to reinforce a point. It's a great technique. But there is such a thing as ...

Hi 0xalexandra, welcome to YWS, I have a few things here for you to mull over: I'm pouring apple juice and a can of sprite into a red plastic cup. ...

Hi HannahBanana, I have a few things to say about this piece: Long distance relationships with your characters I think what we have here is a distance from the narrator ...