Trident

This isn't terrible, but it isn't that good either. The lions have emotions that are human, which can be good, if they are interesting emotions. Disney uses this device quite ...

Okay, first of all, the grammar is horrendous. It makes this piece almost impossible to read. You need to study up on comma usage. The beginning is... bad, emo bad. ...

For your age, this is good writing, London Aspen. But I assume you want to get better, so you've come to the right place. The story, well, it just seems ...

The writing overall is not bad, but the story itself is kind of bland. Perhaps it's because I'm a guy and I'm not interested in Gina's story, or maybe because ...

This was a great piece. I found it entertaining and the characters elicited a response from me that was very real. I felt their pain. A couple of things. It ...

This was possibly the most outlandish thing I have ever read. It made little sense, especially politically, scientifically, and, well, in every way really. Archright is a character that has ...

Interesting piece (although the word "interesting" is often a cop-out when it comes to opinion). I liked the satire which makes me want to not take the story, and life ...

Yes, I would cut down on the "he replied", "she sighed". Most of the time this isn't even necessary because the words themselves describe how they say them. The story ...

First of all, you should have some sort of rating on this story. It's pretty graphic. In the middle of the dark building there’s an air shaft that plunges down ...

This is a piece that requires some work. It's kind of plain, and not to be a jerk, but boring. You do need to fix up the grammar, that distracts ...

What is going on? I have no idea. ;) I love the detached sentence format-- fragments, the omittance of some smaller words, short sentences. I use this technique myself sometimes. ...

I was looking for things to change or critique and can't seem to find anything! :) It was concise, well written, and most importantly, held my attention, even though it ...

This reminds me of David Edding's pre-chapter "excerpts" in the Belgariad. That can be a good or bad thing. I would agree with Snoink, though. Try to get most of ...

All right, Jak. First off, this piece (hopefully it is just part of a larger piece) reminds me a little bit like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or maybe ...

Ooooh, quite ominous. I feel for the two, but it's another one of those lessons I suppose. They were both dark haired. Robin was two years older and Poppy had ...