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Re: Sixteen and Forever
Forever. Forever started in April, but the weather felt like May. We’re sixteen and we can plan our future and make our promises. Okay, I like how you started off ...
Dec 11, 2009 -
Re: The Tragedy of The Boy in Love
Oh my gosh!!! i loved it! It is so suspenseful, I was thinking he was going to dump her at one point, but he didn't. Everything in this is so ...
Nov 13, 2009 -
Re: Him.
Okay, I LOVE this poem!!! Although I don't get the whole cold/mold thing. The rhyming thing does need a little more work, but overall this is a good start for ...
Sep 11, 2009 -
Re: Rings
Hey! This is a really good poem, the contrast is there and I get it.(sometimes I don't) The hard decision before you is difficult and in trying to make a ...
Sep 11, 2009 -
Re: Dead Memories
Okay, well I need to know, is the relationship dead or is he dead? I'm not sure with how the ending goes. It has a relatable topic(because we all have ...
Sep 11, 2009 -
Re: First Love
Aww. Please tell me if this is real or not. I have to know!!! Okay, down to business.(rolls up sleeves) This poem flows beautifully, I love how you rhym on ...
Sep 11, 2009 -
Re: Please tell me what you think of this!
It sounds really good so far. I guess it just depends on what type of music your band is playing. So I don't know how it will sound. But from ...
Sep 5, 2009 -
Re: Love Me Perfect
Okay, this is a very sweet poem. You just need to watch out for the rhythm of the poem. It sort of gets off track near to end, so you ...
Sep 5, 2009 -
Re: Coffee
I would like some coffee I'd like it's macrame of smell to envelope my mind with it's gentle caramel Okay, this is a good opening. It involves our senses and ...
May 19, 2009 -
Re: Hate Loves You
Okay, I loved the poem. It is a concept that I have not considered, so it got me thinking. That is the main point of a poem, to get others ...
Mar 26, 2009 -
Re: baby brother
your sweet face and slobbery kisses steal my heart, i loved you from the very start okay, um you need punctuation. the rhyme scheme needs a little work as well. ...
Jan 27, 2009 -
Re: I beg of you
I see the darkness in you And I can't avoid thinking I'm responsible I've stained you. Ruined your thoughts, Killed your heart. This has great emotion, the opening ha already ...
Jan 27, 2009 -
Re: Don't look back
Inside me there’s a knot of dread, Echoing softly in my head. It warns of the photos of me, Of the faces and places I used to see: If you ...
Jan 22, 2009 -
Re: Gifts of Angels: Part 1
I don’t know if you’re familiar with the term “hypochondria” but I happen to live with it and his name is Gerard. He was five years older than me and ...
Jan 20, 2009 -
Re: Accidents Happen
Well, um... is it going to continue? It seems like a prologue to a story. So if it is then great, but if not you might want to change it. ...
Dec 18, 2008
