Two silver rings.
But which to choose? One holding,
the chances of an adventurous life, or
a gruesome death. The other,
grants only life, average at best.
Only one with a chance of reprisal,
for the betterment of my hungry greed;
only one with any potential stability.
Both pulling for their way,
both shining their familiar temptations,
but I had chosen already in my mind,
though I did not wish to acknowledge it.
Two silver rings.
I stared at them; one ring foreshadowed a
silver barrel and from it hung the,
fulfilling trigger, and beside it a
velvet red box of engraved bullets.
They read the name I’d be,
selling my soul to, but only if I
chose their predecessor, the ring.
And the latter of two, shone just as bright and
had armored my finger for many years, but
while they both had compensations and
shortcomings, I had in fact already chosen.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,220 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hey!
This is a really good poem, the contrast is there and I get it.(sometimes I don't) The hard decision before you is difficult and in trying to make a decision, yo ufind you already had chosen. That hit me really hard once I read it.
Keep writing!!!
Teddy
Hey Dream-Catcher!! Nice poem, very Robert Frost-ish, if you know what I'm talking about. I enjoyed the read, you have a nice flowing vocabulary and a pretty smooth style.
I'm guessing your inspiration was the Robert Frost poem, Road Not Taken, but I could be wrong...
I like the ring idea and the choice idea, but the rings seem pretty complex. How does the narrator know so much about these rings, what gave them the position to predict the future, what made each one so powerful that it could alter the future. It's clearer in the Road Not Taken, as the narrator uses a metaphor that can easily explain this, but the ring idea is not clear at all. So really, the main question is, "Why the rings?" Rings can't hold that much significance, or if they do, you need to go more in-depth.
• This line drifts in and out of different tenses. You're describing what would happen if you chose that certain ring, but then when you say "had armoured my finger," you make it sound like it already happened. If you make it "And would armour my finger..." you're staying in the right tense.
In all this was an OK poem, beautiful language and flow, but unclear concept.
Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
This is really well done. It flows very well and the imagery is beautiful done.
It's very insightful and has a good ending that leaves the reader satisfied
Your user name caught my attention, im writting a book called Dream-caster and also is this a book or the beginnings of one I have to say its pretty awesome but if your going to write something worth publishing you'll need to put all your time into it... and if this isnt a book pretty much everything I just wrote dosent really imply