First Love

I feel your sentiments, dear! It's a common occurrence for friends to get attracted to one another. I guess a lot of people can relate to this.

Perhaps you can experiment with imagery, rhyme and form a bit more, but otherwise it was a likable poem. :]

Hi! Gahks here, and I'll be reviewing your poem today.

For a start, I'd like to say well done for taking your first steps on the journey of writing poetry! Love being a common subject for many poets (in fact, some would argue that love and death are the two topics any poet must tackle before they can call themselves poets), I appreciate the angle on you take on this. Most first-time love poets talk about the act of love itself, and the fact that this concentrates more on the potential for love makes this one stand out from the rest. =)

Like the vast majority of poets here, you've chosen to rhyme, and this probably was influenced by associating song lyrics with poetry. But keep in mind that poetry doesn't HAVE to rhyme! Experiment with free verse, but don't lose that musical ear you've got - it might become very useful.

The other thing I'd say (and you're not alone, this goes for most poetic novices) is to read lots and lots of poetry. This will help you to connect with the world at a poetic level. There is potential for poetry in everything - you just have to make it convincing and believable to us readers. I would suggest starting with Sylvia Plath or Seamus Heaney, as they're fairly accessible, and reading them will show you how to shape and craft your work. Most importantly, I hope you'll discover the gift of imagery to a writer. At the moment, your poem lacks strong similes or metaphors, but we can work on that. Just keep reading and keep writing!

Hope this helps!

Gahks

this poem really explaines about love for someone. this reminds me of when i asked my gf out lol good job and good luck wit da poem.

I think it's ok but needs somethings to change not a lot. I like that it is related to things that happen to everyday people. It's an interesting poem just and more to it. I think you write good poems just from reading this one. It was a little bit confusing reading it so fix that up and then it should be good.

This Poem very nice may I add, but a couple suggestions my dear you express but try to express a little more by telling the reader what they should know, this is a very solid piece. I like keep up the good work if you would like for me to review and critique your work just PM me.
Have a loverly day,- Joyce

As they would say the village Idiot sometimes knows more

Ooh, very nice. This poem flows beautifully, and the rhythm is excellent. I can definitely tell that this is a personal poem, bless your heart for what you are/had been going through.

Good job!

I like that poem

When I was first scrolling the form yours caught my eye first. All these reviews, and I thought 'it must be good!' And I wasn't dissipointed! The flow was the best I have read to day and the rhythem was great also. It was short which is always a plus in my book since it means you didn't ramble and you know what you want to convey to the audience. You can connect with the your reader and make them feel like they have fallen in love with their best guy friend(though I personally havn't) My favortie line was this:

perhaps it's love; fallen astray.

This is really good

I thought that was really cool. was it about having a crush on your best guy friend or something? eventually going out with him maby? "I'm crazed over a stupid wish!I jeopardise our friendship,as I dream of kissing his lips." very clever. I love those lines.

LukanRinta wrote:The awkwardness of first love,
The confusion of new feelings.
The scramble of trying to understand yourself...
and your "friend".

I called him my first love,
but I didn't realize it.
I told him he was my friend,
but I didn't see it.
I confessed that I don't understand,
but I didn't want to.
He brightens my everyday,
perhaps it's love; fallen astray.
what happened to make me want this?
I'm crazed over a stupid wish!
I jeopardise our friendship,
as I dream of kissing his lips.

A nice poem,the topic is over used, but I can deal...
The flow was tripping, but I think that in this case that added to the sweetness. Just a little girl trying to put her thoughts into words.

I really liked this piece. It was one of those poems that's short, but very sweet. I thought you caught the emotion very well, because I know exactly how it feels to be in a situation like this, and that's it. I especially loved the last two lines. "I jeopardise our friendship,as I dream of kissing his lips."

haha i agree. i have found i fall in love with all of my friends!

I absolutely love your sense of rhythm. I think you write what you feel and this makes the poem scream and jump out at you. I would really enjoy if you published more.

runswithletters wrote:sadly i am stuck in writing novels! psh, like im ever going to finish one of those, eh?
nice work~
SJS

Im pretty sure i can relate to this poem. My first love was my a dear friend. Although when i tell people about our story, and they try to tell me it wasnt love, well i just ignore it.
I loved this poem, and i wish i could write something like this, sadly i am stuck in writing novels! psh, like im ever going to finish one of those, eh?
nice work~
SJS

LukanRinta wrote:I called him my first love,
but I didn't realize it.
I told him he was my friend,
but I didn't see it.

Teddybear22 wrote:Aww. Please tell me if this is real or not. I have to know!!!

Okay, down to business.(rolls up sleeves)

This poem flows beautifully, I love how you rhym on some lines and others are not as quite rhymish(is that a word?). This has such a sweet meaning and it shows in the words. Good job. The reality hit me really hard when I realized that this happens alot to people, it shows that you can create something that people can relate to.(I had a hard time with this for awhile) But overall, you have done a most beautiful job with this. I hope you can use this(if there is anything to use). Well anyway...

Keep writing!
Teddy

Aww. Please tell me if this is real or not. I have to know!!!

Okay, down to business.(rolls up sleeves)

This poem flows beautifully, I love how you rhym on some lines and others are not as quite rhymish(is that a word?). This has such a sweet meaning and it shows in the words. Good job. The reality hit me really hard when I realized that this happens alot to people, it shows that you can create something that people can relate to.(I had a hard time with this for awhile) But overall, you have done a most beautiful job with this. I hope you can use this(if there is anything to use). Well anyway...

Keep writing!
Teddy

Im going to try and review this. I think that this has a nice rythm to it. I havent had a first love yet but this is most likely how i will feel when i meet my first love. keep up the exalent work!!!!!!!

Hi. This flows well, and I love how the second halves of the sentences alter the first halves.

I'd cut the section in italics, as I don't think you need it. I'd cut;
"brightens my everyday," and "dream of kissing his lips."

In itself there's nothing majorly wrong with this that I can see, but I think it may be interesting for your next draft to show everything you're saying through images rather than direct statements, e.g;
"I'm crazed over a stupid wish!
I jeopardise our friendship,"
instead of these I'd describe what exactly the character is doing, and how these actions would show that she's distracted and putting her friendship in jeporady.

Hope this helps.

Jas