Forever. Forever started in April, but the weather felt like May.
We’re sixteen and we can plan our future and make our promises.
We can hold on together until forever is done because we’re sixteen and in love.
Hold on, he says. Don’t let go.
I say I promise.
Drifting from the warm house to the starry evening, I imagine sixteen forevers from now.
How many forevers until the happy ending?
We have no happy ending, I muse. Because we won’t end.
Stars gaze, I gaze. My star shines brighter for me than the silly twinklings in the sky. Emerald eyes that change color and gaze back into mine. Eyes that twinkle my favorite sparkle, the one that means we belong together.
May I have this dance?
I smile and allow myself to be swept away, spinning and laughing. My heart becomes a butterfly, fluttering in time to mute music. We slow down and his shoulder becomes my head’s perfect pillow as we sway to the rhythm of the breeze.
Beautiful, he smiles and pushes an escaping curl back behind my ear.
I love you.
I love you, too.
The grass is cool but soft. The wind is sharp, a twist from the scalding day. The timed light goes out while thousands of twinkles burn the black sky.
We’re closer, to keep warm. I find the place where my cheek fits the perfect mold on his chest. I was made to be next to him.
If I had a star for every time I thought of you, he says, I’d have the galaxy.
I love you.
I love you, too. Always.
Always. There’s nothing better than you and me.
I love our fingers to be entangled while my head is on his chest. His heart beats his rhythm, my favorite tune. I get closer and he holds tighter. No one will ever love him like me.
It is a fairytale come to life, a dream come true. A princess swept away by handsome Prince Charming.
Hopeless romantic, I call myself.
Silly goose, he says. You aren’t hopeless. We have every hope.
I’m not afraid anymore. Because we can be sixteen and dream about forever and be sure of happy unendings. We can kiss and stargaze and dance and promise. We have forever, because we’re sixteen and in love.
Kiss goodnight.
I love you.
I love you, too. Always.
Forever.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
You have some great metaphors here, and a very clear point of view, but I would suggest looking back on the tenses you use. You switch between past and present often which can be confusing at times. Otherwise, good work
This poem was beautiful! Though I was a little thrown off with the variations of line length, I am very glad I read. Your words are very beautiful. The phrases like "If I had a star for every time I thought of you, he says, I’d have the galaxy." really made me happy! I am going to look out for your poems.
~Classy
Okay, I like how you started off with the one word, and I'm guessing the April/May thing is about the April showers and May flowers thing. If not then I guess I missed it.
I would have liked to see quotations around the speaking parts. I got confused a little at first.
I'm tyring to figure out your stanzas, and this is one of them- I think. This one is good, but it has no description. I get that you're gazing into the night, but are you still with him or alone?
This is the first stanza that I have seen a rhyming scheme in it. It's tiny, but it's there. I also don't think "twinklings" fits. I can't think of a word to replace it, but it doesn't sound right.
I LOVE this stanza, it flows perfectly, and the imagery is great. Good job on this one.
Once again, I would have liked to see quotations.
I really can't say anything about this one. I see nothing wrong.
Quotations.
Lovely imagery.
Quotations, I like the "we have every hope" line.
I love the "happy unendings" thing. I like how you adapted that for your prose.
Quotations, and I like how you ended it with the same beginning.
Overall:
This is very good. I liked it and I hope to see more from you.
These are only my suggestions. You can take them with a grain of salt. If you disagree, then don't change a thing. I don't want you to ruin your work because of something someone says.
Keep it up!
Teddy