Tenyo

Please, don't feel offended by this, but are you English? Your work sounds like it's been put through a lingual translater; and not a good one. I can decipher some ...

Ouch! What a bitter ending. Critique time. The rhythm in the last line of verse one made me stumble a bit. It seems to have a beat too many. In ...

Awesome! I read the first verse and thought "Oh dear, this is going to need work," but after reading to the end, the first verse makes a lot of sense. ...

Okay, icky stuff first. "Dark, unleashing, indefinite." Sentences need to have a beginning and an end. This is just three words strung together. You should combine it with the first ...

Nice work. This was a very gripping poem, and flowed really well from beginning to end. It left me with quite a sorrowful feeling. It makes sense even without the ...

"George Bush:- A puppet sold at most retailers." Hehehe. It's all funny, and very witty, but I'd suggest putting some light humour in there too, just to break it up ...

Nice work. I like how naturally surreal this is. Your writing style seems unique, but raw. You've still got a few things to learn, but this is a great starting ...

Ah! So big! First things first, you need to break up the paragraphs. They don't look like they're going to be much fun to read, and there's little variation. Appearances ...

Interesting. It's simple enough to read without being bored by the overly complicated expressions that seem to come with this kind of work, but it's still got enough of a ...

Interesting style of writing. It seems unique, although not fully developed yet. That's alright though, it'll work itself out in time. You tend to overuse some words, in the earlier ...

It does seem kind of funny to critique something like this, but I completely agree with valentine. As a piece, it's not really something that seems like it's written for ...

"There's a page every day, Till they all build up with my sorrows they stay" These lines don't seem to make much sense, it seems a little like it's there ...

I'm not sure whether it was intentional or not, but you really need to work out the end of the lines. Some seem to rhyme, some don't, the worst are ...

Yey, sequals! You have a very twisted mind my friend. Genius, but none the less twisted. Keep going though :D I look forward to reading the next ones once I've ...

I don't really know what to say, this whole piece is beautiful from beginning to end. Even the title is brilliant. You've brought the main character alive really well, especially ...