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Tallon45

  • Novel / Chapter » Teen Fiction, Action / Adventure Re: On the Edge Chapter one

    That was really good! "It’s still late or maybe it’s really early," that's kind of confusing what does it mean!? when theres a fire in her home, shouldn't she be ...

    Jun 8, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, Action / Adventure Re: Esterace - Chapter 1

    That was cool! but here “Did you hear? Something’s going on with the Revolutionaries. They think they’ve found the government’s headquarters.” Said Kate with a smile. there should be a ...

    Jun 8, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Realistic, Teen Fiction Re: Shadow Princess (Chapter One)

    I cant wait to read more! but mmaybe you should put quotes here - Everything is going to be okay, I constantly told myself. It had never helped once so ...

    Jun 7, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, Teen Fiction Re: OutKast: Intro

    I like that you spelled outcast like outKast, its very mysterious and cool looking. You introduced a lot of characters here. All the names are so different and magical. rationalized ...

    Jun 3, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Robin Hood - Chapter Two

    Is captain kilian hook? maybe you should put what Colm is thinking in italics.“It’s okay boy, you will be needed to run very soon if I play my cards right.” ...

    Jun 3, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Fanfiction, Action / Adventure Re: Robin Hood

    Have you ever watched Once Upon a Time? this sounds a bit like it. Its a great mysterious start to what sounds like a great twist on a great story! ...

    Jun 3, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Teen Fiction, Action / Adventure Re: On the Edge

    Love the ending! “ok, okay I’m sorry. I mean calm down. Or up I guess. Please don’t kill me, we need to talk about this.” there should be a comma ...

    Jun 3, 2015
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Action / Adventure Re: A Scale of Power- Chapter One

    That was awesome! You should put a comma here though. "I reckon you couldn't even go one day without using sarcasm, ten euros says you can't even do just that" ...

    Jun 2, 2015


attempting foot extraction
— Mea