E - Everyone

Robin Hood

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Chapter One


October 26th

Dear Robin,

I apologize for the hen scratch writing. I write this in great haste for I do not have much time before they come. I have just received word that the King’s soldiers are coming for me, before they come for me I must tell you things I have been meaning to say for a long long time. Robin I have not been faithful to you and your group…before you jump to conclusions keep reading for what I have to say may give you the full picture. Please Robin, give me that much after all the things we have been through.

It pains me to write this but I must. Do you remember three years ago when King John’s soldiers found your camp and you wondered who had betrayed you? That was I. That was I who sold you out and all for a bag of gold and silver. At the time I was in dire need for that money, my little girl was starving and the clothes on her back was nothing more than a piece of cloth. I sincerely apologize but maybe someday when you have children of your own you will understand the reason behind my actions. I know that means nothing in comparison to the evil I have committed…

King John’s soldiers are coming for me now. Somehow they got word of my involvement you’re your group. They will be here by dawn I am sure. I am sending my girl Katherine with this note, by the time you receive it I will probably already be in prison, or maybe even worse.

I beg of thee to forgive me, but most of all I beg of thee to keep an eye on my Katherine. You own me nothing I know yet my heart aches at the thought of what would happen to Katherine with no one in this world. She doesn’t know of the crimes I have committed or of my involvement with you and your men. She thinks you are just an old friend of mine… Take care of her, please Robin! Consider it my dying wish…

I am so sorry.

With deep guilt I sign off,

Snow

***

Kieran stared at the paper in his hand with sorrow.His mind was still trying to piece together what he had just read.His eyes flickered to the third paragraph and he read it once more to make sure he understood correctly all Snow had just admitted to doing. Snow was one of his long-time friends; she had saved his neck from the noose as many times as Kieran had saved hers. This was the last thing he ever expected from her. As much as it solved his problem of trying to find the betrayer in his small band of men, he wished she hadn’t admitted to doing any of it.The letter fluttered from his hand and landed gently on the ground at his feet…it was followed closely behind by tears of grief.

It is probably too late, Snow is probably dead. King John wouldn’t have wasted much time with a trial. Kieran thought bitterly, Still I must try, if not for my own assurance but for her daughter. Her daughter! How could he have forgotten? Snow had mentioned that her daughter would be delivering the letter. Jumping from his place on the ground, Kieran started for the door.

“Connor?” he called as he peeked his head out from his tent, “Would ya send in the girl who delivered the message?” Kieran asked the short muscular man who was sitting on a log by the fire sharpening his sword. Connor nodded and set his sword and tools down before starting off to find the girl.

Kieran sighed and looked around his tent, it was an absolute mess! Quickly, he stuffed all his dirty laundry into his pack and fixed his few belongings. He needed to make a good first impression on Snow’s daughter. He didn’t know why he was so nervous it was just Snow’s daughter, and Snow was just an old friend… She is more than that, you old fool, and you know it. Kieran thought. At one time there was something between them, but that was long ago…before her daughter was born. Kieran reminded himself. At the time, Kieran had thought his love for her was just a foolish desire of his, yet now he was convinced it was more than that. He had loved her and that is why he let her go. Snow had deserved more than to be constantly in danger and on the run.

The sound of approaching footsteps snapped Robin back to the present and he quickly looked around for someplace to sit, finally settling in the corner on the ground. He picked up his back of arrows and began sharpening them.“Kieran?” Connor said. Kieran mentally thanked him for not using his code name Robin. He didn’t want to scare Snow’s daughter with being a wanted outlaw because that wouldn’t make a good first impression. Robin Hood was his full code name, first because the Robin was his favorite type of bird, and second because of the hooded cloak he always wore

“Come in Connor,” Kieran replied.

Connor entered, “Shall I let her in?” he asked.

Kieran nodded hoping he didn’t look to nervous. Without another word, Connor opened the flap of the tent and left. He spoke quietly to girl waiting outside and then he went back to his work. Kieran took a deep breath as the flap of the tent opened and he was greeted by a red headed girl in her early twenties.There was no mistaking that the girl standing in front of him was Snow’s daughter, she looked exactly like her mother except for the bright red hair. Her eyes were of a lighter green than her mother’s though and her complexion was a little darker. Other than that it was like seeing Snow twenty years ago…right about the same age as when Kieran had first met Snow. Painful memories came flooding into Kieran and he tried to push them away.

Obviously uncomfortable with Kieran’s heavy glance the girl cleared her throat and asked inquiringly, “You wished to see me?”

Kieran mentally smacked himself over the head and resumed his usual rigid faced look, “Yes. Would you sit down?” he asked gesturing to the small log in the corner of the tent that usually served as a chair for him.

The girl looked from Kieran to the chair and shook her head her eyes showing evident distrust, “If it’s all the same to you I’ll stay standing,” she replied. Her body hadn’t loosed much from its tense position; Kieran hadn’t expected her to trust him right away so this came as no surprise.

Kieran didn’t bother telling her that trying to run would be pointless, especially since his men were everywhere outside and wouldn’t hesitate to stop her. Instead he just nodded understandingly, “What’s your name child?” He already knew the answer since Snow had mentioned her in her letter yet he didn’t want Katherine to know that just yet. For some reason his mind told him to keep that information to himself for now.

“I am no child,” she stated proudly, “Give me your name and I shall give you mine.”

Kieran was a little taken aback by her reply, it was a very unlike Snow answer. You need to quit comparing her to Snow, he told himself; she may look like her yet not necessarily act the same. Kieran who was now standing nodded and bowed. Feeling guilty for not telling her who he really was,Kieran bit his tongue then replied, “Robin, Robin Hood here to be of any service to you…”

The girl’s eyes went wide with shock then her shock quickly turned to disbelief, “Thank you for the gift of your fake name, I am called Rosa” she said using proper manners even though her face held disgust.

“Who pretends to be the greatest hero of all time? Everybody knows Robin Hood is tall and muscular. He stands six feet tall and he always wears green…” she glanced at Kieran’s plain brown clothes and not so muscular build, her disbelief growing.

“Besides,” she continued “Robin Hood is supposed to be the handsomest of all men,” the girl raised her eyebrow and looked Kieran up and down “So far you match none of the descriptions that I have heard.”

Kieran looked at the young girl, at first he hadn’t thought she looked like much on the outside. Now he knew she could hold her own and he thought that may have been the point she was trying to get across. “You have quite the tongue on you, don’t you?” without waiting for an answer Kieran kept talking “Despite the ridiculous rumors you have heard it doesn’t change the fact that I am who I say I am…whether you believe me or not.”

She looked at him and laughed, “Right if you are Robin Hood, I am King Arthur’s daughter.”

Kieran hid the grin threatening to form on his face; everybody knew King Arthur’s daughter was a bit of a snob. “Yes,” he nodded “You do seem to be the type.”A burst of laughter came from outside the tent where Connor was listening to their bantering, causing Katherine to blush. She hated being insulted especially by men who thought they knew everything. Determined to get him back for that but having nothing come to mind, Katherine just sent one of her famous deathly glares his way.

Kieran flashed her a smug grin, “Now Katherine, shall we stop with the childlike bantering and try introducing each other like adults?”

Katherine stared at him mouth open, “How do you know my real name?” she asked glaring at him darkly.

A flash of pain crossed Kieran’s face and he lost all of the smugness he had before. Taking Snow’s letter from his shirt he silently handed it to Katherine. It would be the fastest way to explain to her what exactly was going on.As Katherine read tears slipped down her cheek, when she had finished she looked at Kieran with hatred in her eyes.Without another word she threw the letter at Kieran and ran from the tent.

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
Tallon45
Review

Have you ever watched Once Upon a Time? this sounds a bit like it. Its a great mysterious start to what sounds like a great twist on a great story! the changing of names can be kind of confusing though. Also it sounds like there are two kings She looked at him and laughed, “Right if you are Robin Hood, I am King Arthur’s daughter.”
Kieran hid the grin threatening to form on his face; everybody knew King Arthur’s daughter was a bit of a snob. Maybe you should explain that or are there two or more kingdoms? Snow seems like shes Marian, is there a prince charming? Also check for putting in commas. It sounds like a great story! Im a big Robin Hood fan!

Hey! Yes I have watched Once Upon A Time, it was okay but it had a LOT of drama.....
I am undecided if there are two kings or not, i still have to decide!
Thank you so much for your review i appreciate it!

User avatar
Lucia
Review
Lucia wrote a review · Sun May 31, 2015 4:25 am

I always love a good Robin Hood story, even if it sounds like all the others. But yours doesn't sound like all the others! There's something about changing the character's names that gives them even more character. It's almost as if I'm paying more attention to the story.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the way your story deviates from the origins and clichés grabs my attention and still promises to be a good tale. :D Good Job!

I don't really understand why the whole piece is emboldened and in Italics. It's not annoying or distracting, in my opinion, but I'm just curious as to why you wrote it like that.

I noticed that in the beginning (and especially in Snow's letter) you used some Old English. However, you switch to Modern(ish) English for the rest of the piece, even when people speak. (i.e. "Thee" to "you", "shall" to "will") I would ask that you stay consistent with one version of English. (If you want to stick with Old English, but are having trouble, I would be happy to help! Just PM me about it.)

This didn't bother me too much, but I was noticing how you don't really give the "code names" for the other members of the gang. It's easy enough to guess that Snow is Marian, and I'm guessing that Connor is Little John. I suppose it's not necessary, especially if you want to keep their identities unknown. I just thought I'd bring it up.

“Who pretends to be the greatest hero of all time? Everybody knows Robin Hood is tall and muscular. He stands six feet tall and he always wears green…”

From these words, it seems to me as though Katherine holds at least some respect for Robin Hood, and knows him to be a good man. However, when Kieran is revealed to be Robin, she doesn't really regard him the same way. Seeing that he's nothing like the rumors, I can understand that her respect for him would have taken a slight descent. But still, she treats him as if he is a common foot soldier. (I peeked at the next chapters to check if she still treats him badly.)

"King John’s soldiers are coming for me now."

Kieran hid the grin threatening to form on his face; everybody knew King Arthur’s daughter was a bit of a snob.

Are there two kings? Is King John a kind of "under king" to King Arthur?
I think that at some point, this should be explained. It's not too big of a deal I suppose,(unless you are planning to fully involve both kings later) but it would be nice, just to polish up the background a bit.

A bit of polishing could be done on the actual writing, in the areas of grammar and punctuation. I usually try not to specifically mention spots of bad grammar when I review, because that's not the important bit (unless the spelling, grammar, and punctuation are so bad that I can't read the story). But your writing was nowhere near being that bad, so don't worry. :)

So, looking back at what I just wrote, I'm realizing that none of the problems I mentioned are really major plot issues. Good job! I can't usually say that about other works! (I like to poke holes in things, especially stories. I'm evil that way. >:D)
I really do enjoy your story, and I'm hoping to read the next installments!
Keep up the good writing!

Cheers!

Thank you so much for review, it helped me quite a bit and for that I am very thankful. To tell you the truth I am not sure if I am going to have both kings, I am undecided. One day I want both the next not :/ Thank you again for the review, I am very greatful!

You're very welcome! I'm really enjoying reading and reviewing your works!
If you ever need any help with anything just let me know!

Thank you I will =) Same goes for you <3

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review

Timmy hereeeee

This was such a fun read. It's been a long, long while since I read anything of Robin Hood, so I read this with an almost clean slate. There were so many wonderful things in this that I've never seen in other Robin Hood stories - the code names for one thing. That was brilliant, and I love how he uses them to his advantage when talking to other people. And for third person, I was sucked into their personalities so well. Seriously Selina, I didn't know you could write like this. Maybe I should have read something of yours sooner. ><

For this story, I think I'll go through and pull out random bits of text. It may be best if I just read through and show you stuff as I go, kay? :3

I have just received word that the King’s soldiers are coming for me, before they come for me I must tell you things I have been meaning to say for a long long time…


This should be separated into two sentences as it stands. If you want them to flow into each other as one, then just change around the wording. If not, separate at "before". Also, while I'm looking at this part, I'll talk about your usage of ellipsis. What's the purpose of one? I'm sure you know - to create a pause or slowing down in the narration. In many places, it was brilliantly done and slowed the narration in just the right place and just the right way. In others, like the one above, it seemed... stilted? This isn't a Disney cartoon where the scene fades to black when he says "let me tell you something...." How your readers are affected by your use of punctuation really really matters. How you use ellipsis means something to your readers, and how they interpret your characters' talking. So be sure you use them only when they're necessary, or the reader will 1) grow tired of the unnecessary slowing down of dialogue, and 2) After a while, it will have no effect on their reading, and it'll disappear like a period - the ellipsis becoming worthless because of over-usage. Use it as you would use an Em-dash, and it'll keep the effect you want it to have. c:

Also, get rid of that italics in the text of the short story. The letter part? Fine - perfect. It establishes the fact that it's written out, and separates it from the piece. But get rid of everything else written in odd formats. Hurts the eyes, it does. xd

Quickly he stuffed all his dirty laundry into his pack and fixed his few belongings.


Comma after quickly

She is more than that you old fool


Comma after that

ve for her was just a foolish desire of his yet now he was convinced


Comma after his

Without another word Connor opened the flap of the tent and left.


Comma after word

So I've gone through and skimmed over a short section, looking for comma errors only. I skipped over quite a few because they were more difficult to explain, but these show enough. It's not a dire emergency that tomorrow your punctuation is flawless, and it's something that can't be achieved in that time, anyway. Heh, I've been struggling with it for years, and it's still awful. But there are many, many places you can go to for help with this, including this website. Another thing that helps amazingly is just reading other books and watching how the authors do their punctuation! We read every day, so it's just another mental thing you need to remember to do. Aaaaand, I know it may sound odd, but review. Before I joined YWS, my punctuation and grammar was so awful. It's not perfect now, but I can say with all certainty that it has really helped me. c:

This take you've done on the Robin Hood story is really awesome. Like, I've read quite a few Robin Hood stories over the years and none of them have ever had this kind of thing woven into the plot. All of this possible romance, the daughter - the mother possibly dying. It seems like something you could continue, and it's also something you should continue working on, because it's way better than any of the other Robin Hood stories. >> I especially love the part where they have code names and all that. In most other books on him, it's his real name - Robin o the Hood. But I like this wayyy better. Keep this up! Pleaaaase continue this. It'd make me happy, at least. xd :3

If you write another, tell me? I'd be happy to review it.
~Darth Timmyjake

Thank you so much TimmyJake! This review really helped me both inspirationally and grammatically!
Robin Hood is one of my favorite stories, I decided to write this one after I read a book that didn't display him like my childhood fantasies always did xD Your review made my day better that it was, thank you for that =)
Also - Sorry I did not mean for the entire thing to be in italics....soooo weird. I'll fix it =)

THANK YOU!

User avatar
Wolfi
Review
Wolfi wrote a review · Sun Feb 08, 2015 3:29 am

Hey there! I love Robin Hood, so this caught my eye right away. :D

Why is that one section in bold, and the rest in italics? The letter, sure enough, should be in italics, but everything after it should probably be in normal text, with the exception of when you show what your character is thinking. In your bold section there also seems to be no spaces between sentences. I've had that bizarre problem too when posting works on here, but at least it's an easy fix.

If I can correctly determine, Snow is female and Kieran is male (he's Robin Hood so duh). I kind of got confused over this at the beginning, mostly because throughout the entire letter, I thought a guy had wrote it. You should hint somewhere in the letter that Snow is a she, just for your readers. Maybe when she writes about her daughter she can specifically mention that she is a mother, and the confusion will be resolved.

Kieran stared at the paper in his hand with sorrow.His mind was still trying to piece together what he had just read.

I won't go over the spaces and use of bold text again but instead comment upon the length of your sentences. The two that are highlighted here are too short and choppy. I would combine them like this: "Kieran stared at the paper in his hand with sorrow, his mind still trying to piece together what he had just read." If you work on alternating longer and shorter sentences like that, your works will flow considerably better. Sentence lengths can also reflect the mood of the passage you're trying to portray. For example, I used short, choppy sentences in a chapter of my novel for the feeling of numbness:
Spoiler
His iPhone buzzed. It was Beth. He didn't answer.

In contrast, I tend to use long, more elegant sentences when describing the scenery.
The sound of approaching footsteps snapped Robin back to the present

I think that this was too soon to reveal that Kieran is Robin Hood. For one thing, it is a little confusing because Kieran seems like one person, and Robin another. Also, I think that when Connor calls his name and you explain that Robin is his code name, that would be a much more clever instance to reveal this for the first time.
“Robin?” Connor said using there code name for him.

Their, not there!

There are a few other nitpicks here and there, mostly with commas, but I won't bore you with listing them. It's time to get to the meat of the review, after all! :D

I love this chapter, I truly do! It was very well written, and the letter at the beginning seemed to be the perfect hook. Please oh please let me know when you write the next chapter! I love this time period and this book sounds like it will be a true adventure!

I especially like how Robin is portrayed. From what we can tell of Katherine's observations, he isn't handsome or clad in the usual green. He just looks like a normal guy. I also wonder who Katherine's dad is... If Robin had red hair I would immediately guess that it is him, which would be just adorable, but what do I know? :P

Poor Snow... I can really feel her sadness and remorse in her letter. It's clear that Robin was fond of her, so I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to save her if she's still alive. For all I know, she definitely could be dead by now, but I'm sensing that there might be a chance she's been spared and Robin will have a chance to save her. After all, she's a woman: women are less likely to be killed.

Good luck on your writing adventure! :D Remember to tell me when a new chapter is up!

Thank you so much for the review I really loved it! I am writing this story with my sister, so one chapter its me and the other its her. We are doing all the fairy tale creatures but mixing everything up ;) THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE TIPS AND REVIEW!!

Thank you so much for the review I really loved it! I am writing this story with my sister, so one chapter its me and the other its her. We are doing all the fairy tale creatures but mixing everything up ;) THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE TIPS AND REVIEW!!

Knight Dragon, here to review!

Hmm. First off, a little bit on your formatting. Up through the letter, it's fine. But I'd advise not bolding the normal text, the body of the piece. And when you leave the rest of the story in italics, it makes it seem like it's another letter, when it's not. So keep your formatting consistent. You could easily just leave the bolded text as normal, then move the three asterisks after that block to signify the transition away from that scene.

Her daughter! How could he have forgotten?

I had the same question.

You seem to struggle a bit with comma splices. For example,
Kieran sighed and looked around his tent, it was an absolute mess!

That should be a period or semi-colon (probably the former). The letter is riddled with them, but in the letter Snow is writing hurriedly, and that would show a lack of caring, the panic of the situation. Here, it shows a little bit of carelessness on the writer's part. Comma splices are simple fixes, but they're tricky little buggers to catch while you're writing. Brush up on your comma usage. It'll strengthen your writing. :)

but that was long ago…before her daughter was born. Kieran reminded himself.

That period should be a comma. Kieran reminded himself is almost like a dialogue tag for his thoughts.

Katherine just sent one of her famous deathly glares his way.

Fact check: I don't recall there being any description of her "famous deathly glares" in Snow's letter. I feel like you're going for humorous, but it's kind of deflated by the distraction. Just change the description.

You have an interesting ending, and nice world setup. Comma splices and sentence cohesion (making sure a sentence is actually a sentence) need to be worked on, but otherwise you have a decent story established.

Hope this helps!

This review courtesy of
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Thank you so much for the review, sorry for my late reply to your review I have been quite busy :) The letters that were in bold was an accident, I didn't know they were there until it was published, sorry :)

Happy Valentine's Day!



the only theft here is of decency when carina decided to rob me of my pride and put me on a banana
— veeren