Swires

One thing I am curious about is the title of the piece. I googled it - "fear of snow" it will be interesting to see how this develops into the ...

Please post text version. I know you have but this is just cluttering the forums. Id only use attachments when you havea really long piece of work (say 20k+) that ...

Stop it. Write something, you'll get better. Did you stop because of my critique? Come on, it wasn't that bad. It really wasn't. If you are trying my consience, then ...

I have sent the user a PM explaining about YWS crits and how he can get better at writing earlier today.

Thank you both for your comments. At this point I am reading about Scall. I haven’t read anything of yours earlier, so I don’t know if you described the demon ...

Quibbon - You just need to click emoticons, you not need to drag them into the text. Flemzo - I see now, perhaps I missed the implicitly.

Part 3 Added of Derrens Story. In addition to a normal critique I want feedback and suggestions about "the game of bones" - do you understand it from the way ...

I would like to do an in depth critique of your work like you may have seen me do to others. I feel horrible that I cant when you have ...

Thanks everyone for the critique of part 2. Ive amended and reposted the work. Also, anyone else wanting to read and leave a bit of feedback is welcome to.

Part 2 posted.

It seemed a little forced rhyming... I don't know what I'm talking about lol ... it and spirit are half-rhymes really. I just arnt sure, it just seemed a little ...

mmm... I think you have fallen into "Poet's Pit". Sacrificing meaning of the poem just for the rhyme scheme. You don't have to have rhyming poetry, take the rhyme out ...

A nice poem, i arnt too sure of its meaning or purpose but I thought it was well constructed. I liked the last line as much as the rest of ...

Thanks everyone for the critiques. I shall whip up the grammar point everyone pointed out and update it. I think theres one thing I need to justify: his hands looked ...

Well it was just my opinion - I didn't expect it to lead to a war lol. (sounds like iraq all over again). Prokayote - Feel free to disagree with ...