It was good until the last two lines; okay, good until the last line, which is cheesy. A nice, short read. ![]()
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Canary word: Present
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I think you're ending just leaves the reader hanging. You should have a way to cut it off and let the reader know that it is over. Otherwise the rest was great.
au revoir!
~~*Judi Patootie*~~
Hey Brad,
I found this a bit tweak to what I've read before, offcourse there is no need to compare, but I am used to seeing you write a little different. This poem is straight-forward to me, I connected to it immiediately didn't seem to have that with your other poems. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing, I find it neither just a difference
Reading those two lines after each other, sounds kind of off. It would flow better if you'd had a 2 stanza's here
All I have to say Brad, nice job
Cheerios, Chandni
I found this to be romantic yet in a strange sense. It was unusual, I thought but I still understood it/enjoyed it. And it was refreshing.
I especially liked the second stanza. You're great at concluding.
I thought of Chionophobia, too, but that's probably because I've just been reading it.

This poem didn't impress me as much as some of your others. It's well done and I don't really have much to critique but the subject and overall feeling. There wasn't anything in here that made me say, "Whoa! Yes!!" I couldn't really connect to it.
I'd like to see some more of your wonderful imagery in here.
Colleen
I am actually fond of the last line; It's meaningful to the overall poem.
And I feel weird, because I thought of Chionophobia while reading it. Which is probably out of place...
I understood, and liked, this one more than I usually do your poems. They tend to go right up and over me, but this one I liked a whole lot, it was forward in the ideas it was trying to get out and I could find myself relating to it.
I liked this part the most.
A nice poem, i arnt too sure of its meaning or purpose but I thought it was well constructed.
I liked the last line as much as the rest of the poem.