Swires

The title is spelt wrongly: Diamond not Dimond. This is riddles with errors, read it aloud and correct them as you go. Also change things that do not sound right. ...

I liked how you started it in the middle of a conversation of the Aged. But what were the character's motives for visiting the Aged? What is the Aged's status ...

Ok, You will have to forgive me as I am going to critique chapter 10 without reading the other stuff as I am new to the world of Gypsie's eyes ...

A young, frail looking man was laying in his bed tossing and turning. He was thinking to himself. He just couldn't settle his mind. "What is wrong with me? I ...

Space your paragraphs please. One thing I notice before the actual story is the title. The title isn't a grabber and seems rather vague and fantastical. Maybe a new title ...

Chad looked around nervously. Still groggy from the sedative, he blinked and looked around to get his bearings. You've told us he looked around twice here. Repetition is boring in ...

You have fallen into many-a-poets trap. You have discarded all essence of emotion, story etc.. for a rhyme scheme. Golden Rule: POEMS DO NOT HAVE TO RHYME. If you are ...

Why dont people read m'dear? --- This belongs in fiction. Click "Literary" at the top and then go into your specified genre. Thank you, Mr Adam Alcock, The Purple Balloon ...

Some of this may have been said, I skimmed the other feedbacks. You use "spots" in Lucia's speech. I think "places" or other word would sound better. Also "dumbly" is ...

Yes, I too like the idea of describing the fair rides as more warn out. WHen I began the poem I expected creepy (because empty fairgrounds are). But I was ...

Yes, I think everything has been said here. I actually liked the ending, I thought it was a nice way to end a poem. I liked the structure, especially the ...

I think you have sacrificed all meaning and notion of the poem for the rhyme meter. And then returned there never more It just doesnt make sense because you have ...

No, the mods will move this to another one when they see it. Non-Fiction is about real life. Like If I wrote an article on smoking it would be here. ...

FORMATTING FORMATTING FORMATTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that is the new version - Which I have to say is much better than this utter crap you first posted.