Stori

An error: "Not even a rug vacated the floor." That's not right; to vacate means to leave. So fix that, and good job.

Just a few errors. "Know one" should be "No one." Well, a gallant effort. [takes hat off]

"Mechanics of a motion" doesn't sit well with me. Maybe "the mechanics of emotion?" Anyway, great poem!

I don't get it! You don't name her until well into the action. The unicorn seems to be cynical, something I never ascociated with them. And who's chasing her?

Oh boy, what to make of that... It's an interesting thought, but makes hardly any sense. "Black is the presence of color..." Huh?

I'm like a fish out of water, don't know what I should say. Except good work, that is. Wish I could say more.

That's very- dark. Not much to say. Keep writing.

Yeah, it was a good poem. Maybe the title could be "Faded Love" or something like that... I don't know. A good effort.

Interesting, that's all I can say! Where did the idea come from?

So, yeah, this was a little (draws a breath) off-beat. The form, I thought, was more like a travel brochure at the start. It's just, well, prosy. The rest was ...

Well, I never wrote an "if" poem. I don't know, but anyway thanks for the effort. Try working on this some more, maybe expanding.

Okay, I like. One thing: give us more of a description of the planet. What are its colors? What do the skyways and cars look like? That kind of thing ...

Okay, the "suits" are machines called "mobile suits." The Gundams are the elite of the suits. Unity is from my head, but there are five others. Wing Zero, Heavy Arms, ...

Cannot you see just doesn't work. It should be "Can't you see" or "Can you not see". The descritpion is great. Fix that little error, and you're home free.

You need to define Gabri and some more. She has no description besides pale cheeks. And there are a few mistakes. "You, me, and some others," one of the sentenced ...