Published September 16, 2007
Softly, wanderer, do not disturb this night, for in this perfect stillness lies the magic you seek. Sit by my fire and listen to the whisper of the grasses as they tell their secrets to the stars. Cannot you hear? Hush then, and listen.
Quieter still than the gossiping grasses is the snake who rides on silver belly, stalking the mouse so still. Silently slithers this serpent, wanderer, cannot you see? Watch then, and you too will become a part of this night.
Cannot you smell the smoke from our fire mingling with the loam and the scent of the trees so old they saw the birth of your ancestors? Breathe deeply and you shall find here the wisdom of the ages.
You are hungry, wanderer. Take you then from my satchel the products of this night: the honey, the apple, the corn. Eat them and feel the magic of this forest and field as it becomes you. Cannot you taste it? Savor these flavors, wanderer, for there is no better fare than this.
Reach beneath you, wanderer, and run the dirt through your fingers. Feel the life in this place, the pulse of the world as it sieves between your palms. Feel the course bark of the pine and the smooth cap of the mushroom. Cannot you sense it? Then think with the heart, wanderer, and leave the mind to another.
Go now, wanderer, sleep by another’s fire and share with him the magic I have shared. Perhaps one day, all shall know the symphony of silence and all shall feel the pulse of the world. For you and I, together, we have seen the forest as no other can. And that is the true gift of the night.
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,496 Reviews
You know your describtions are so definite and complete that the reader (that is to say me) is completely taken away by the smells, tastes, scenes... While reading i really felt everything you described, and when i reached the end of the story it was just like awakening from a dream. Thank you, it was a really good work.
PS: Rushing to read your other works;)
I really like this, I don't think it needs a more defined theme...
I like the way it just sticks to what it is... and blows you away with the beauty of what you see not
Though, I admit,
'Cannot you see' Doesn't work for me... It fits the theme... but just doesn't sound right, maybe like Kyte said, 'Can you not see' would fit more.
I think 'Can't you see' would ruin the mood...
I enjoyed it, I can imagine an American/Indian teaching a tourist the ways of life at a fire sitting cross legged, eyes shut and almost, annoyed that the traveller can't see the true beauty.
It's an amazing piece of work, I love it!
Your imagery is really captivating! =] the only criticism I can offer is that some of the narrator's speech seems too archaic, and it borders on being grammatically incorrect. Looks like some of my predecessors have already touched on that, so I won't point out the specifics. But really, once you tune that up a little, this will be totally amazing.
Cannot you see just doesn't work. It should be "Can't you see" or "Can you not see". The descritpion is great. Fix that little error, and you're home free.
Yer no, that was really good. I do have one thing to say, Australian's go by the U.K spelling, so "flavors" is a definite no-no.
actually, the message kind of was the beauty of nature. Thanks anyway, goys. I'll definitely think about the title.
First off, I really liked the way your descriptions make it come to life, your imagery is excellent. Nature is very beautiful, and I like the idea of making a pice about it. However, this was more like an excercise than a story. Make something actualy happen!
I like it.
Na. But don't have "Student". Maybe have a theme hidden in there. Something to attract the readers.
But I am a little disappointed, that such an excellent exercise has no theme or message at all. I've seen a few motifs, a few symbols, but none of them stood for any meaning beyond the beauty of nature. What are you trying to convey?
I love all the showing in this piece. You show us beauty, and it's hard not to get sucked in the beauty of the night.
Change the title. Make it cliche--in a good way. I hate cliches, but this story deserves a beautiful one. "The Beauty of the Night".
Excellent job!