Stori

I like it! The chorus was well done.

Funny... Too funny! I laughed straight through the aquarium scene. Heck, I'm still trying to can the giggles. Great job!

I agree. "Hart" means "male deer." It should be "heart." Otherwise, a good piece. Keep at it.

OMG, nearly spilled it there. What a great use of color! It's so emotional too.

I must be too used to rhyming poetry :( The piece didn't give me any feeling at all.

Thanks, Kitty. I'll take your suggestion to heart. And thanks for letting me know what you think.

I wonder... I really don't like rap. In fact I don't consider it as "Music." As for the idea about a long track, well, that might work.

I don't know. It was a gripping story, and well told. The pace is just right. But there' s no description. No stone prison walls, no characters with blond or ...

Telling not showing! Work on it!!! Describe the realm and its characters. Give some details about the rulers' history.

Cool. Is this going to continue? I hope so. The character is as yet undeveloped. So, let's meet this boy. (I'm guessing it's a boy.)

So what happened to chapter 1? This nees some explanation. Why are they being trained? Were they drafted or did they volunteer? All those questions need to be answered. So, ...

I didn't know the setting was so modern. The first chapter gave me a feel of maybe early England. Anywho, it's good. I like the description. Keep writing.

Okay, first off, you need to describe the girls more. And naming her parents doesn't add much to the story. Well, the whole thing was well done. Maybe you should ...

Wow. It seems like Peter Pan, only with girls and an older target audience. I love the description of the sunset. All in all, a good work. I'd suggest you ...

Break this up!!! It's way too long, and doesn't properly introduce the character. All we know is that he hates the gods for turning him mortal.