Stori

Very interesting. How I had grown. I think that needs an exclamation mark. a milk embrace Did you mean "milky?" When we fought, my words reverberated A full stop might ...

Whoa! This is a bit much. I'd reccomend either posting in parts, or cutting back a few paragrapghs. He was like the brother she had never had, and like her ...

Hello, I'll be your critiquer for today. He was the one too naive to be anyones leader. Don't forget the apostrophe! It's important! Seth, which was the dwarf I think ...

Well, that's interesting. The stranger followed his gaze, and pulled an object out of his pocket. I think, and it's just a suggestion, that you should start a new paragraph ...

Wow. I found a few errors, but most likely it's just translation. Math hour could bring you to the edge of insanity!!! It's just me, but I don't like multiple ...

First off, usually the only place you post work to download is in Advanced Critiques. (I won't tell, but ask a mod to move this.) Second, the critique. Stacey and ...

Hello person. I shall be your reviewer for today. grandma and grandpa Since you're using the titles in place of names, grandma and grandpa get caps. Then why in h** ...

I must be plot blind... didn't realize they were dead till the end. I just assumed the "pretending they weren't there" part was normal. Anyway. The review. You started the ...

Let me be the first to say, this was great. And review, :) Things were the same each year, Eric, my obnoxious... I'd either replace the comma after "year" with ...

Hello new person. I shall be your critiqurer today. First off, you tend to space the 's on possessives, such as: After Jack 's mind went blank See? Next, you ...

Hi, Dynamo. I guess I'll be your reviewer. First off, I think Ryan ought to know more about online games in general. After all he did spend his whole night ...

Well, I only spotted a few errors here. It's noting major. When we appeared at Oriana's house Maybe you meant to say "arrived?" No this can't be happening. Comma after ...

This isn't bad. There are some mistakes, but they're easy to fix. For instance: We battled till the sages sing. "Sing" doesn't fit because it's present tense. But duty gave ...

Here goes then. Jessica quickly dropped Malik's hand, it had been necessary for the teleport, but holding it longer would give the others ideas. That would work better as, "Jessica ...

First up, I think you don't need so many exclamation marks. There are ways to show excitement without 'em. There you will my spirit in shackles. You left out a ...