Published September 17, 2008
They were just so petite. He couldn't help his urge to chuckle aloud. That moment he did, they all coldly gazed at him. He mumbled "Sorry." he knew they were offended "Please continue." Each of the dwarves continued to quietly listen to their leader, who had an abnormally high pitched voice. He was the one who was too naive to be anyone's leader. The civilization of the dwarves knew it but, there was nothing they could do. The leader, Colonel C., declared war on the Minotaurs, which were the most brutal force in all the land. That was the very reason Paul was brought there. It had been awkward ever since Paul arrived in the Land of The Dwarves. Paul was brought here by the one dwarf he was fairly comfortable with, even so it was not by choice. Paul was a normal teenager who was rebellious just like what seemed like the whole teen population. He could just see in their eyes that the species despised him because of his height. Of course it wasn't something that he had control over; he played the genetic hand he was dealt. He was normal for a boy his age back in Emerica. 
Seth, who was the dwarf who escorted him to this land, swung his hand toward the exit. Paul slowly got up and left the dwarf inhabited room. The screech of the wooden chair against the grubby floor got everyones undivided attention. Paul got several evil eyes from every face in the room, which was about two-hundred eyes altogether. Paul quickly departed the sight of the dwarve group.
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139,268 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm well before I dive into the story here I do have to start by saying that you've gotta think about breaking this into paragraphs here. At the moment its a bit of a wall of text and that just severely hinders the flow of the piece here. It's got one too many things happening for the whole thing to just be in the one paragraph.
Moving past the paragraphing issue though, it looks like we've got ourselves a very interesting world here. Its not a bad way to start off a first chapter this. There's a nice amount of tension coupling with a decent amount of introduction going around with us being introduced into this world and how it operates ever so slightly along with this conflict here.
I think its quite nicely done there and overall this comes together fairly well as a first chapter. The opening is maybe a little bit more rushed than it should be and there is that paragraphing issue but it is pretty intriguing and I do find myself wanting to know more here as I read so I'd say this is still a decent first chapter.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Welcome! Yeah, pretty strange to hear that from a new b, but anyway...
Well, Kyte and Sunny pretty much nailed it, except for in "Paul got an evil eyes from every face in the room," you might want to change it to "got evil eyes" or "got several evil eyes", or maybe even "an evil eye", though I'm not positive. This is actually pretty original compared to most stories like this. Please write more!
I'm not sure about this line. I don't like that part 'they took a mean gaze.' This is probably my personal opinion but I think I would reworded it a little.
Okay I'm not 100% positive about this since my grammar isn't really the best.
I was a little confused throughout it. It's really short so there's not much to understand. I can't say that I loved it because there's not that much of it. I think there needs to be a lot more if this is all of the first chapter.
Sunny
Hello, I'll be your critiquer for today.
Don't forget the apostrophe! It's important!
I think you meant "who was."
You don't have to change this, but I think "everyone's" would work better.
And that's about it. Overall, it's very short, so we don't know much about the story. More description of characters and setting helps!
Kyte