Published July 12, 2008
Hope
Wall to wall,
Trapped inside a cage!
There you will find me.
A captive of a thing called life!
Seek me out.
Tell me why.
How can it be?
Life has turned against me!
Wall to wall;
There you will find my spirits in shackles!
why has life turned against me?
What is this light,
That sets me free?
The key to the bondage of life!
It's a thing called hope!
It knows no sorrow!
Wall to wall!
That's where I was!
Now I'm free!
The voice of truth
Tells me that I am not alone!
I see the heavens open up!
The sun shines down!
My shackles lay at my feet!
Wall to wall!
There you cannot find me!
Hope has freed me!
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That was really good. I would definitely listen to this song if it were on the radio.
Like the people before me said, not as many exclaimation points. Other than that, everyone got everything and I liked it.
This is a good opening =] I dont like the exclamation marks either, just get rid of them. It makes it sound like a kind of joke rather than a serious sad sort of thing.
! again.
Capital W on why.
I don't think I get the repetition of "wall to wall" - it doesn't seem to make much sense in this poem. Wall to wall, that's where I was...wall to wall where?
I like the last part of this though, the image of light coming down to free someone is nice.
Nice ending.
I think if you fixed your punctuation this would be a nice simple poem. I like how you show hope as a light, that's a good way to describe it.
First up, I think you don't need so many exclamation marks. There are ways to show excitement without 'em.
You left out a verb. And agin, you could try getting rid of the !
Forgot the cap there.
Both of those are the same question, so you need one mark after 'free.' Again here:
Hope my nitpicking helps, bro.
just to let you know, there is a song by Chris Brown called Wall To Wall, so, yeah.
i liked this, though i'm not sure that the repetition of Wall To Wall would be particularly good in a song....
do you have a tune for it yet? if so, is the phrase wall to wall different each time?
because it would make a difference.
-GC10