StoneHeart

Ah, okay. First off, I shall comment, this was great! You're style is amazing, and you have loads of talent. I'm sure there are some grammar problems, I'm not going ...

Um, ahem. Slight problem here. On YoungWritersSociety, we at least try to mildly respect peoples beliefs. And, ahem, this is an insane insult to Christianity. It wasn't even clever man. ...

Okay, this was great. As a christian, I can truly appreciate this, I'm going to let my friends know about this, and show it too them. It was amazing, your ...

Something I like doing when writing dreams/flashbacks/mysterious relations. I put it in italics. It's a nice touch, makes it easy to define what's what. But this was great, I enjoyed ...

Ah, okay. Just an idea, but I think you should really enlarge a bit, even for a intro, it could use to be a bit bigger. Your first paragraph is ...

Okay, this was amazing, very original (as far as I know) and very,very hooking. Your grammar is really pretty good, and I only found one small typo (I'll let someone ...

Okay, this was amazing, very original (as far as I know) and very,very hooking. Your grammar is really pretty good, and I only found one small typo (I'll let someone ...

This was great, very emotional, and well written. Your grammar is really very nice, though I'll leave picking through it to the more experienced. I think that you should emphasize ...

Ah, there's one HUGE problem in this story. It's two copies of the same thing . . . one, then the next. Easy to fix, but hard to read. I'd ...

Wow, that is one creepy little hyena. I don't even know if you can get those things privatly. But this was amazing, it sucked me right in and I read ...

Okay, this was interesting. I'd like to know why they were putting flowers on the graves in the cemetery??? Also, you could use a bit more detail on what things ...

Well said, well said. Reason and said should be separated, and you need more commas, otherwise your grammar was great. I agree totally, the purpose of LIVING isn't to make ...

Okay, I'm really feeling it that I haven't read the rest of this. I don't know what the 'society' is. Okay, you need more detail. I know, I've said the ...

Okay, your style is good again. But it still lacks the humor the next chapter has, it needs it. I'm not really liking Jonathan that much. He seems to think ...

Okay this was great. I really feel the relationship between the daughter/mother. I'm wanting to know what happens next, and I'm wishing there was more too it. Ah, you do ...