Starrywolf

Hold your breath, and jump. Jump as high as you can. Fly through the air, and wait. It feels like your you're on top of the world. At first, the ...

October ' s Day Same thing in the title. Remember your apostrophes! You'll Have No Trace On Why You Put This World In The First Place Do you mean 'why ...

I can't help but agree with the above poster. This is so... pretty! Pretty being my synonym for beautiful/amazing/creative/well-written. Or sometimes pretty = pretty. Whatever tickles your peach, I gu

I don't have too much to say, other than a few personal observations. I don't see much of a difference between Payne's narrating and Rose's. They seem to use the ...

“Your breath e is unstable, your current temperature is thirty-nine point two degrees celsiu s . Immediate medical care and rest is advised.” A soft female voice resounds in my ...

Sorry it took me so long to comment. I'm going to do a full, harsh review instead of passively fixing grammar mistakes this time, so don't be mad at me ...

I didn't notice any grammar issues, so we'll skip that. And now I'll actually read instead of skim. :) The first three scentences don't really seem to flow. I think ...

I don't think the last poster missed anything, so I can can skip the nitpicky part. I find that when things have a ton of punctuation, ("...NO!!") it kind of ...

I'm in too lazy a mood to do a full, nitpicky review. Maybe when you post more? Because I REALLY hope you do. I love the story so far- really. ...

I don't see any grammar mistakes (but I think my mind may have went numb after editing for a friend) or punctuatio/capitalization so I think we can skip the nitpicking. ...

Okay, First is nitpicky time! :) A glorious smile rose on his face, like the morning sun across the eastern sky. I just thought that that sentence didn't go very ...

That was great! I haven't read much second person writing, so I'm not exactly the expert on it, but I think you pulled that off well. I didn't notice any ...

Firstly, I like your writing style. At least as this character, the style seemed to give an essence of familiarity. The story seemed to move at a nice pace, and ...

Like the other commenters,I enjoyed the imagery. With the misspelling of what I assume to be "because," was it done on purpose? The last stanza kind of broke the rhythm ...

I love the idea! I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, and I really don't see anything negative to point out. I like how you made the story more spread out, ...