Its Time To Call It All In
Farewell For The Words,
The Verses And The Poems
It's Time For A Break,
As My Art Of Expression
Is Turning Into
Mindless Aggression
Farewell Folks, As I Leave You
I Part With A Gesture
This World Is Breaking Apart
I Wish We Can All Write Together.
As The Night Closes On This Octobers Day,
Remember God
Will Always Remain The Same
There's A Thin Line Between
Genius And Insane, Without Faith
You'll Have No Trace On Why You Put This World In The First Place
So Forget The Fake Trends And
Speak The Words Of God 'Amen'
Just Remember If All The Worlds Seas Were Ink
And The Trees Were Pens
You'll Never Write The Knowledge Of
God, Cause It Can Never End.
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Im going to make this quick. There were a few spelling errors but i wont go into that. I would say the poem throughout was average. Still good but nothing extraordinary.... until that last bit.
"Just Remember If All The Worlds Seas Were Ink
And The Tress Were Pens
You'll Never Write The Knowledge Of
God, Cause It Can Never End."
I mean seriously!! That was incredible to me. It had a flow to it, rhythm, rhyme, imagery. If you really came up with that, i wouldn't mind quoting you on that for the historians. (Am i going overboard?). I dont care. That makes the whole poem great even if the rest was average.
Okay, first of all it really bugs me that every single word in this is capitalized. I don't know if that's just something weird with your computer or if it was done for stylistic reasons, but it distracted me. I found it difficult to actually just read the poem.
I see several related messages going on in here, which is cool, but you need more imagery and figurative language. There's really no imagery in this - you use "mindless aggression," "genius and insane," etc, which are just abstract concepts. You can use some abstract words in poetry, but you need to define them, make the abstract concrete, using metaphors based in concrete language.
There is one spot where you do this:
"Just Remember If All The Worlds Seas Were Ink
And The Tress Were Pens
You'll Never Write The Knowledge Of
God, Cause It Can Never End."
(You do have some typos in here, however - "world's" should have an apostrophe so that it's possessive, and I think you meant "trees," not "tress." Also, keep your tenses the same - when you're using hypothetical language - "IF all the world's seas WERE ink," you need to say "you'd (you would) never write the knowledge of God.")
You have powerful messages embedded in this poem. If you can inject some powerful language into it as well, you'll have a great poem.
~Blue
This is a well written poem. I liked the description the line "Just remember if all the Worlds seas were ink" because I think it is fairly easily imagined. In the line: "And the Tress were pens" do you mean trees? It just seems to make more sense to me that way. The poem could use some work on the structure and flow of it all, but other than that, I can't find anything that could be corrected. Overall, I really liked your poem and there are not too many problems with it.
Same thing in the title. Remember your apostrophes!
Do you mean 'why you #FF0000 ">were put #FF0000 ">on this world? Or does it make sense in a way that doesn't occur to me at the moment?
It seemed the line breaks (the place where a line ends and a new one begins is a line break, right? If no, then that's what I'm referring to. xD) seemed a little random and off beat.
And why all of the capitalization?
If there's something I don't get, please explain. And don't be insulted if there's a symbolic meaning to something that makes my nitpicking invalid.
Just thought I'd say that. xD
I like the ending of the poem, it really seems to give closure to the whole thing. Well done.
-Starry