Published July 21, 2011
A rock to fill the vacancy
is a shape shifter becoz the rock will be
a different shape at different times,
depending on climate and tide.
In darkness, it glows
in the sun, provides shade.
On a cold day, warmth
and so on- it shall change.
A shapeless piece of nothing it remains,
just moving on with the flow
with simply one aim-
ensure serenity, keep things straight
Ensure that nature has balanced it's ways.
On a beautiful day, when everything is alright
a rock to fill the vacancy
has no aim in mind.
A useless piece of rock it has become
when nature itself has everything in control.
And now, as a dirty piece of useless gravel it stands.
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Like the other commenters,I enjoyed the imagery.
With the misspelling of what I assume to be "because," was it done on purpose?
The last stanza kind of broke the rhythm for me. The fact that the rest of the poem (at least almost) rhymed, but that stanza didn't, kind of made me lose focus. If you did it that way for effect or something, sadly it was lost on me.
Other than those, I found it an enjoyable poem.
I really liked your imagery. It was nice watching the images as you read along with the poem. But, I think you mean 'because' not 'becoz' on the second line?
Other than that you have a good poem, I like the sentences and the structure and especially the imagery! It was amazing the way you nonverbal said somethings.
Anyway good writing! Keep writing because you do well!
--Hayley
You can surely strip it down a little more. Try to say a lot in as few words as possible, do you know what I mean? The less you say, the more effective it can be.
But I liked this. I liked the assonance. It didn't sound forced at all. A real easy read. Nice job, really! I really enjoyed it.
Nice writing Samee7a, I really like the way you approach the imagery in the poem. Sounds deep with many meanings, but i think there is a mistake... if I'm not mistaken... is it "because" in the 2nd line?
Go on with the good stuff, this is really good