Squall

Hey Adam. Sorry if my critique of this chapter was a bit delayed, I was tired last night and decided to hit the sack. I've printed chapter 14 out and ...

Hello Camille. I see that you summoned me to critique the revised version. Well here I am. Lets roll. My pelt begins to prickle, but I do not move; my ...

I would like to elaborate further into the flaws of intertwining your diary entries with the actual writing itself. I didn't mention it in the 1st post in this thread, ...

DarkTestimonyofTruth, I treat a prologue more like a sneak in chapter 1. Therefore, it should have undergone development, not just be a shell of a cliche. Why even use a ...

Khfan890, yes, they left because of high tax rates. However, in what specific way did the cause of high tax rates had influenced the view of the main character to ...

“They cannot hear you, child,” sleek and disrupted the voice made Colin freeze. "They cannont hear you, child." The voice was sleek and disrupted, and had made Colin froze. That's ...

Ah Snoink, thanks for clarifying that bit for me. I didn't know that this piece had drawn influence from Samson and Delilah. In chat with Suzanne, I did admit that ...

Umm... For the benifit of squalls, and whoever else skims this piece of writing. The title says (sequal of 'just like me'), so the beginning of this piece is the ...

Just leaving a note here. We've already discussed this on chat. Basically, I like but I think the actions don't really fit the nobelity of the characters unless you can ...

Well let me get to the point: This was a gripping chapter. The way you thought about your words and sentence structure allowed a very clean and riveting read. Your ...

Thanks for the feedback so far guys. I have extended Chapter 1 of the story by another 1.5k words to provide more support for the story and Chapter 2 itself.

Well I've already talked to you on what I've thought of this chapter so I'll summarize it here. Basically, I can understand on why you were showing on how life ...

There is emotion in this piece but you need to find a more poetic way of putting it forward.

Ok, what's a POTC? I know what you mean about him having no personality... This was a fluke from the start. :( Pirates of the Caribbean

OMG Adam, I think I'm developing a strong liking for this story. This chapter rocked!! The way you wrote this chapter, it kept me reading. The elegant and it flowed ...