Snoink

Nah, you were fine. What I liked was the duel meaning of words that sometimes came up. My favorite line was this: "Passing the counter, a clerk cracks gum loudly ...

Is this autobiographical? Twice in the story, you put semicolons where there should be apostrophes, be careful of that. Also, take care of sounding repetive. This piece wasn't bad, but ...

It'll be so easy. Nobody'll know I meant to do it. If I time it right everyone will think it was just an accident. Do it a few minutes before ...

Why are you describing all of their physical appearences? When you do describe character, do not use slang like, "six pack." My first thought was "a six pack of what? ...

I find that usually grammar tells a lot about a person's style, and can reveal a lot of what is wrong with the story. Therefore, you will see a lot ...

This reminds me of the sentence combination worksheets my English teacher gave the class. These worksheets had very short sentences and you were supposed to combine them into longer sentences. ...

Avoid first person and second person in formal essays. Example of first person: "I say this because I have sticky notes attached to my head." Example of second person: "You ...

:D I'll slaught-- critique this and you can slaughter my story! The freaky one, that is... Where should I start? I'm not a big fan of fragments, and I especially ...

I liked it. When I read the first line, my mind immediately pictured one of those classic stories that starts with, "Once upon a time..." This isn't a bad thing. ...

It's interesting, but you don't describe your story enough. No, I don't mean using pretentious words *shudders* but I read this poem and I wonder, "Huh?" Now, of course, this ...

You use too much pretentious words. I know it is tempting to look through the dictionary and use every word that you see which is longer than 14 syllables, but ...

I like it too. However, there is this one word that annoyed me, "extracted." Is it necessary? Can you think of a better word? Also, the last couple of lines ...

It's funny how you choose which stories you critique and which ones you don't. Since you critiqued my brother's stuff, I'll critique yours. Lately, my critiques have been getting ignored ...

Is this Arkady when she's a little girl? Something about this story just screams this to me. However, you should describe Wyoming a little bit better. I thought she was ...

I actually liked this. "OMG??? SNOINK SAID THAT??????!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yes, I did. It was short, sweet, and to the point. There were some minor problems, of course, but not so much ...