Sureal wrote:'I've never had too much trouble with math, except when we first started algebra last year, so I do a lot of it before school starts so I don;t have to do it all in the evening. 'Math' should be 'maths'?And once again, you need to fix 'don't'.
sureal: in america and canada, people tend to say "math" rather than "maths".
this was cool; i liked it and i think you should continue with it.
This was great. I noticed how the 'don't's have semicolons too. But other than that, a great chapter.
Another good chapter .
But, here's some mistakes I noticed:
'I like it when things are just in the right place, When things arena;t just Right I start to feel all weird inside.'
The first comma I bolded - you either want that to be a full stop, or else the 'w' shouldn't be caps.
In 'aren't you don't want that second 'a', and you should have a ' instead of a ; (I often muddle these two up myself... which idiot put them so close together on the keyboard?)
And that 'R' should not be caps.
'I've never had too much trouble with math, except when we first started algebra last year, so I do a lot of it before school starts so I don;t have to do it all in the evening.
'Math' should be 'maths'?
And once again, you need to fix 'don't'.
'I'm so focused on my work I don;t hear when Mrs. Bordon walks in. "Good morning, Rachel," she says.''
'Don't' again .
'I don't mind the seat, but I don;t love it.'
And one final time here .
But other then those spelling mistakes, tis a very good story.
And hey, isn't fixing spelling errors what editors are for ?
You captured every little thing there was I liked this one a lot.its not good.....its Great!
The randomness was actually intentional. One of my purposes with this novel is to accurately portray a character in teen stories that I have NEVER seen accurately protrayed. Mainly the one who never talks, and nobody really knows what to make of her even though they think they have her figured out.
Is this autobiographical?
Twice in the story, you put semicolons where there should be apostrophes, be careful of that.
Also, take care of sounding repetive. This piece wasn't bad, but after reading it after the crossings, the story sounded like it was similar. Note that the story was still good, but you almost crossed the line of making it too random and shapeless. Because Rachel's thoughts repeat each other (i.e. the fear, the eyes) it can seem repetive at times. Like I said, so far it has been done tastefully, but you're getting awfully close to that line.
Anyway, the third chapter should be interesting. ^_^
Thanks for pointing out the errors. I've fixed them. And BTW, colour is spelled that way in Canada, so that one wasn't an error.
That was great. You really captured all the "little" things, which made it very realistic.
Although, Reichieru, the spelling errors really put me off. Spelling errors bother me. If it weren't for the mistakes, it'd be a great piece.
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