Okay I know I just posted yesterday but I reviewed two pieces of work before posting this so technically I'm in the clear, right? This is the beginning of my novel, which I'm completely revising. Please go easy on this, like don't call me horrible names for writing something so disgustingly atrocious, if you know what I mean. because this book is my baby...and I love it...and I want you to love it too. I know this is a weird beginning, but once you get to know Luke more you'll be like, OH MY GOSH...if you know what I mean. Okay I'm rambling...it's because I love Luke and I want you to love him too. Well, here it is.
The inky black sky traced Luke’s outline through the window, and cast his shadow on the wooden floor. His eyes shone wide with fear as he shuffled through the drawers in the Food Preparation Center, the contents clattering as he pushed them back and forth. He looked both ways quickly, then found what he was looking for- a long, iron butcher knife.
As he ran to exit the room, his heart pounding in his mouth, Luke grabbed a few napkins and pressed them against his bleeding cheek, with throbbed uncontrollably. The blood had dripped onto his white dress shirt, and smattered across his cheek. He began to run down the long, narrow hallway, then heard a loud thump. He stopped dead, his heart in his mouth. Then with a sigh Luke realized it was only the wooden door he had allowed to swing to a shut. He hadn’t realized how jumpy he’d become of late.
Again, he began to run down the hallway, careful to hold the knife away from his body. The napkins were soaked through, and he let them drop to the wooden floor. His footsteps resonated throughout the hallway. Then there was a scream.
“No, Ashlee!” he exclaimed, though the hard beating of his heart in his ears kept him from hearing his own words. “Ashlee, I’m coming!” Luke shouted, as he neared the end of the dimly lit hallway. The mahogany door that had before been just another door in his world was not the key to his escape, the key to her rescue. He neared it, and grasped the iron handle with his free hand, swinging it open.
The tension was thick in the air as Luke bounded up the cheap tiled steps three at a time. He tripped over a step, and fell down, blocking his fall with one hand. He had scuffed his knee, and it hurt, but even more so he felt like someone had intentionally tripped him. But maybe someone had-everything was, after all, in shadow.
The thought only served to send shudders down Luke’s spine, and he continued his trek. As he turned the corner, he stopped dead, then crept back into the shadows. Two thugs, garbed in all black, with muscular builds and automatic pistols stood at the top. Snyder’s backup.
Just as suddenly, Luke bounded back down the stairs, his dress shoes clattering loudly. The thugs were on his heels, shuffling down the stairs as loudly as he did, with the same urgent need for haste. He thought he heard their muffled cries as they shouted for him, threatened and insisted that he come back. Just as he neared the mahogany door, it opened, and three more thugs started up the stairs. He was surrounded.
In that moment, Luke knew what he had to do. But he hadn’t planned it out this way, hadn’t intended for it to end like this. It didn’t matter, anyway. He grabbed the railing with his free hand, the blood from his previously acquired wound dripping down his face, and went back up the stairs. A man was there waiting for him, pistol in hand, while the other was further up the stairs. With all haste, Luke grabbed the man’s shoulder, and plunged his knife into the man’s chest.
With a cry, the man dropped the gun, and fell to the ground. Luke picked it up, and aimed it at the other man. He pulled the trigger quickly, fearfully, closed his eyes and heard the bang. Blood seeped down the stairs and onto his dress shoes as he found the second mahogany door.
He had to find Ashlee.
The gym was just ahead. Luke already knew that it was in chaos. He backtracked his steps, past the littered bodies on the floors. The sight of his former friends strewn across the fancy floors didn’t do anything to him. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing but Ashlee. Luke opened the gym door, pistol cocked, and ran in, all former caution thrown to the wind.
“Where did I last see her, WHERE DID I LAST SEE HER?” He had to scream it at the top of his lungs just to hear his own thought. The gym, just hours before decorated to perfection for the Winter Formal, was now a picture of chaos. The floor was strewn with prom dresses and dress shoes atop shattered torso’s. Skulls blown off of their owners lay on the scuffed gym floor, completely drained of blood.
*okay, this wasn't the original beginning. The beginning was...well, different. But this beginning is better, trust me. Does it take you by surprise too much? It's actually the very end...Luke has flashbacks...oh dear, confusing. Okay just tell me what you think, please. And not like they do at The young writer's club, when they say, "This is horrible you're a freak" because that would be mean*