Snoink

Ah! Finally, a metered poem. 3,6,3,6. So, what is my suggestion? The last line sounds awkward. I think, if you mess around with the word choice a little bit, it ...

I don't think these lines really belong: You left me here To wait and wave. First of all, Carmina is right. It's a tragic comedy. But it's tragic, not because ...

:shock: Oh! This is pretty! It reminds me of Lorca. :) Then again, it would seeing that it's sort of a play, but mostly poetry... but even so! ¡Buen trabajo!

XD Um... yeah. I found this funny, but I just had a chemistry exam. I'm guessing this is an anti-emo poem, but it doesn't really display your message enough. It's ...

“Okay, you can open your eyes now!” He grins and jumps to his feet, squinting. After a few minutes of careful review, he nods slowly and says, “Jane, you’re a ...

So.........this guy went absolutely mental all because his mother made him go to church? Hehe, it would be funny if he did. XD Kind of creepy but... not really. Like ...

From the Suns’ funeral pyre. Should be "Sun's." The beauty from the Sun born. I think it's borne. Yet as I weep I look again, At the sky above my ...

Okay! Impressions of Jessica Jessica is a pacifist, dreamer, and a loner. Now, if I were not so bored or braindead, I would stop there. Unfortunately for you, that is ...

SK, you couldn't find grammatical errors? :roll: I was swimming in them! That it’s blade would never taste the blood that gives it strength. Nope, "its blade." It has been ...

The lack of grammar killed it. There were sentences that weren't finished with a period that just went on and on and on. I can understand missing several commas, but ...

Ha ha ha... Okay, I am absolutely going to rip this to shreads. And I am going to have fun doing it! First person is a little bit tricky to ...

Pretty. It did seem to have a structure (always nice in poetry). There's just one itty bitty thing that bugged me. This line: and struggling to escape it's tormentor. A ...

I sent the critique on Wednesday actually, lol. :P The contents in there? Description of characters, motion and otherwise. Why adverbs are needed. How lots of description tends to make ...

ARGH! Okay, I was almost done with the critique, but then the stupid internet program decided to die on me. So! Let's make this quickish! A warning: I am being ...

For chapter one! The first thing I noticed was there was lots of description, but hardly any description for characters. I'm not sure whether I like it or not... all ...