NIGHTFALL
The dusky sky is turning blacker,
Bright stars are coming out.
The blueness is fading away,
Night brings her fears and doubts.
The Sun is a red ball on the horizon,
The clouds are streamers of fire.
Black smoke begins to rise,
From the Suns’ funeral pyre.
The time for stories has come,
The time for ghosts and ghouls,
Night is the kingdom of evil,
An evil that is trying still to rule.
The wives of the Sun are crying,
Silver Moon rejoices o’er all.
Young child of the Sun is standing,
Remembering his father proud and tall.
The priest is rambling on and on,
As the last of the light drains away.
The words wash over me like smoke,
As I remember the light of Day.
Later as I walk back home,
Through the fields of whispering corn,
I remember the heat of day,
The beauty from the Sun born.
Nightfall comes without a star,
Dawn comes without the Sun.
The Day is cool and unforgiving,
The world seems to be all shades of dun.
Yet as I weep I look again,
At the sky above my head.
And I smile for I realise,
The Sun has only gone to bed.
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From the Suns’ funeral pyre.
Should be "Sun's."
The beauty from the Sun born.
I think it's borne.
Yet as I weep I look again,
At the sky above my head.
And I smile for I realise,
The Sun has only gone to bed.
These lines seem strange -- I think it's the last line's fault. It seems too long with the rest. I don't know...
Otherwise, good job.
I have taken out a few of the 'the's' - thanks for the info!
Very nice.
In the first four stanzas, you use 'the' too many times.
Well done.
-*Twinkles
You make the poem slowly develop becoming more tense until the final few lines suddenly cool down. This was a good poem. Created a good affect.