Snoink

Cute! But this line doesn't seem to be very grammatically correct: They pounced on it, And in their jaws was caught. Especially the last line. What was caught? I lik ...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS SO FLIPPIN' SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry... had to do it. Now! To business! I smiled a little at Aiden’s obvious discomfort

"They were warm, and through her suspicions, she was grateful." What do you mean by the word "through"? "She kept an eye out for possible escape routes, by habit more ...

The metering is slightly off. Since it looks like you're doing a structured poem, it should have a consistent metering scheme. Read about it here: Otherwise, interesting idea.

Copy and paste it in your original post: A Trip to Here Marty sat at an old desk that had taken a beating over the years, biting her pen and ...

I liked this better, if only there was more emotions in it, which in turn made it easier to read. XD It actually flows nicely too. There's just a couple ...

The Prince picked his back foff the ground, dusted it off, and re-fastened the brass clips, then set the bag next to him and leaned his forehead against the window, ...

Hehe, not bad. :) This line sounds a little bit awkward though: "Of unkindly demise to go" I don't know... it just seems a little nonsensical. Perhaps you can find ...

I love your first stanza. Anything that has to do with chocolate cherries is a great stanza. However, the green eyed colors don't seem to match really. The second stanza ...

YAY! A POEM NOT ABOUT DEATH AND DESTRUCTION AND PEAS! Well... actually, there was a lot of destruction but... who cares! I liked this. The rhyming, most of the time, ...

Now there's only a couple of rhymes. Which means that, when there are rhymes, it makes that place seem awkward. Also the metering is off. And, usually I don't try ...

I like the introduction better. The introduction had a good start, a believable voice, and it sounded a lot more interesting. As soon as you got to the actual story, ...

It's amusing. Kerosene in your veins? Your mouth is the spark? Does that mean that lover is a vampire and you are one of rare occurences of spontanious human combustion? ...

Well... it didn't work for me. You have to realize, I've been working on a "Choose your own adventure" kind of thing for a website, so... it doesn't affect me. ...

I like the first version better. It has more of a surprise element to it that makes it more tragically beautiful because of the innocence involved. This version seems a ...