Snoink

The metering is slightly off. Since it looks like you're doing a structured poem, it should have a consistent metering scheme. Read about it here: Otherwise, interesting idea.

Copy and paste it in your original post: A Trip to Here Marty sat at an old desk that had taken a beating over the years, biting her pen and ...

I liked this better, if only there was more emotions in it, which in turn made it easier to read. XD It actually flows nicely too. There's just a couple ...

The Prince picked his back foff the ground, dusted it off, and re-fastened the brass clips, then set the bag next to him and leaned his forehead against the window, ...

Hehe, not bad. :) This line sounds a little bit awkward though: "Of unkindly demise to go" I don't know... it just seems a little nonsensical. Perhaps you can find ...

I love your first stanza. Anything that has to do with chocolate cherries is a great stanza. However, the green eyed colors don't seem to match really. The second stanza ...

YAY! A POEM NOT ABOUT DEATH AND DESTRUCTION AND PEAS! Well... actually, there was a lot of destruction but... who cares! I liked this. The rhyming, most of the time, ...

Now there's only a couple of rhymes. Which means that, when there are rhymes, it makes that place seem awkward. Also the metering is off. And, usually I don't try ...

I like the introduction better. The introduction had a good start, a believable voice, and it sounded a lot more interesting. As soon as you got to the actual story, ...

It's amusing. Kerosene in your veins? Your mouth is the spark? Does that mean that lover is a vampire and you are one of rare occurences of spontanious human combustion? ...

Well... it didn't work for me. You have to realize, I've been working on a "Choose your own adventure" kind of thing for a website, so... it doesn't affect me. ...

I like the first version better. It has more of a surprise element to it that makes it more tragically beautiful because of the innocence involved. This version seems a ...

Oops! I forgot to comment on this. What can I say? I first read this over Grif's shoulder. :P Anyway, I liked this much better than "Death of a Novelist." ...

LOL! This is funny. I mean... Um... I think knives are funny. The first verse is thoughtful, the second is hilarious, and the third is overflowing with question marks. Too ...

Yay! A limerick. :) I would suggest taking out the exclamation marks at the end, because they make the piece sound a little bit too enthusiastic, and it ends up ...