Snoink

Hi, and welcome to YWS! :D I was wondering on two main points. You have her active in all these drama organizations and plays, and yet she doesn't have many ...

Oooo! This is pretty! I would get rid of the title and put the first line as the title of the poem instead. It's just SO AWESOME. You know what ...

Some say math is the basis of life.

Oh my... this is an old poem. It's quite amazing how you've progressed throughout the years. You've progressed a long way from this sort of ranty non-poem thing to some ...

Haha, love the title. ;) Right now, it's very abstract, but I'm yearning for some substance here. You have her listening to the record, but why does she die suddenly? ...

Right now, this character is slightly confusing because we don't know who's who. Put names to the characters! Instead of just saying, "the figure came up," describe what the figure ...

Okay. This poem made me want to commit self-flagellation, simply because if I flog my back until it's a bloody pulp, then maybe the physical side of me will match ...

First of all, welcome to YWS! :D Errant mentioned my name, though he didn't mention this story to me persay. I suppose I might be considered one of the harsher ...

Some really nice stuff here! When I read and critique poetry, I tend to read it out loud, and it wasn't completely unsmooth when I read it, which is very ...

Hehe, you had some pretty amusing typos. ^_^ He had short gelled black hair and pail white skin. pail = You want pale. :) Get a holed of yourself Sam... ...

It's too vague to be really powerful. Right now, you have a rambling, image-less poem and there seems to be no feeling involved. Take a deep breath. What do you ...

I like the beginning, because it is slightly ambiguous. Instead of telling us exactly what is happening, you use details that are not too specific and we can form our ...

The main qualm I had is it seems to be the Judeo-Christian God that you're talking about, and yet you never mention Jesus at all. Which is weird, because the ...

1) Do not comment on your poem. I deleted that post. 2) Poems that have smilies in them should be kicked into submission. Why? Smilies are cheesy. And they make ...

The reason why it's not working is because it's too rushed. You spent all this time talking about dresses, using all these bloated adjectives and everything to describe it, but ...